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memories of my ghost sista

~ the dead are never satisfied

memories of my ghost sista

Tag Archives: Poetry

disquiet

06 Friday Dec 2019

Posted by babylon crashing in Poetry, sonnet

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child of lilith, cursed bliss, daughters of eve, poem, Poetry, smut as prayer, sonnet, vile disquiet

Others, those you love, have done shit. Good shit.
They’ll be remembered. That’s good. You? Perhaps

not. No one knows your name. One more misfit
writing about vinyl, buckles and straps …

about times before we were cursed with what
got called virtue and Lilith, first to grieve,

fled from such vile disquiet. Before smut
became Her code. Now the daughters of Eve

call smut sin but what do ribs know about
liberation? More than us and our lust.

The world that they want has no place for this.
They’re so certain and I’m so full of doubt.

Lilith, if smut is cursed then smut is cursed.
Then so am I, your priestess, with cursed bliss.

harrowed

20 Wednesday Nov 2019

Posted by babylon crashing in Poetry, sonnet

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apu, apuci lánya, enyém, harrowed hell, poem, Poetry, sonnet, winter storm

She said: Nothing kinky. You said: Don’t break
my heart. Neither of you got what you asked

for in the end. Now she’s gone and heartache
won’t save you from what approaches unmasked,

naked in ways that you could only pine
about. Winter’s twisted passion will say:

She called you apu, daddy, but you’re mine,
I’ll call you enyém, all mine, little fey.

Once you’d have harrowed hell for her. Now hell
looms to consume you. These cold months don’t creep,

they rush thirstily to you in ways that she
never did. That’s also kink, like the smell

of ice on the wind, snowfall’s hiss: Don’t sleep,
love, just watch what I do to your body.

NOTE:
Those who possess a vague unworldly knowledge of their own doom are said to have the fey on them. In Hungarian, “enyém,” means mine and, “apu,” means daddy, as in, “apuci lánya,” daddy’s girl.

damn-cans

15 Friday Nov 2019

Posted by babylon crashing in Poetry, sonnet

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coffin boats, damn cans, depth charge, last words, lean meat, poem, Poetry, silent service, sonnet, spew, submarine

Prayer stink of diesel fumes, heavy with spew
and retch and thirty-three sailors sublime

depth charge billow; surging, rippling through
lean meat hull. Old-school counting time;

the way any cult embraces its fate —
a hint of dark ecstasy. Coffin boats —

how the drowned baptized them. Damn-cans with hate
of brine crushing through the screams in our throats

and the rivets and the hull. Lone language
of war sounds like submariners at prayer,

counting down seconds until the next blast.
Would you speak love to me in such carnage?

Would you kiss me? or let the sea’s anger
hush me love while you stare numb and aghast?

red thread

14 Thursday Nov 2019

Posted by babylon crashing in Disaster –- Pain –- Sorrow, Passings and Death Notes, Poetry, sonnet

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after a loss, JR, losing my old boy, my altar, poem, Poetry, sonnet, sorrow and grief, wait for me

— after a loss.

If love is what we make of it, then what
counts is not who we’ve lost but everyone

waiting for us at the end. “Love, spirit,
baby cat, I’m so proud of you. It’s done.

You’re safe. Sleep. Wait for me. I will follow.”
“His heart has stopped,” the vet said. I woke to

a strange empty bed. No nuzzling. No
medicine to prep. No deep sing-song mew

for food. Maybe my faith (“Love, wait for me.”)
is wrong? Maybe there’ll be no one waiting?

It’s hard when all you have is a red thread
joining you two. My altar looks lonely

without him sprawled in a sunbeam, grooming
his dark coat, burning with flecked shades of red.

eris

11 Monday Nov 2019

Posted by babylon crashing in Poetry, sonnet

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ah heart risky risky heart, eris, loss, pleasure does not please, poem, Poetry, sonnet

When I awake the world pulses and throbs
angry and demanding. Once more I feel

frantic. Even the promise of blow jobs,
skag and mayhem does not please. What appeal

sublime excess brings feels dull when compared
to this ache. Once more I’m sick, dim and grim

when I want to be veiled, feral and scarred:
your own incubus itching for more. Dim?

Indeed. My neck contains not one love bite.
My mind is off elsewhere. My thoughts scattered.

Eros will not please tonight when Eris,
goddess of chaos, calls. Chaos in moonlight.

All else feels absurd. There’s no other word
for me but, “loss,” no other pain but, “this.”

plead

10 Sunday Nov 2019

Posted by babylon crashing in Disaster –- Pain –- Sorrow, Poetry, sonnet

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Tags

J.R., losing my old boy, loss, poem, Poetry, sonnet

Last night, two a.m. at the hospital,
with your loved one’s blood on your jeans. Ruin

and his screaming are still stuck in your skull
the next morning, all that noise while someone

tried to save his life. I brought him home. He
slept pressed close to my side. Can a tumor

grow and bloom so fast in days? They showed me
some X-rays. What difference does it matter

if it wasn’t there on Tuesday? It’s there
now. Death takes in threes: I lost Kriszti last

week and maybe J.R. today. Then who?
One more shock. Two weeks ago I would swear

life was good but pain is subtle and vast
and I can only plead: “not yet, not through.”

best

02 Saturday Nov 2019

Posted by babylon crashing in Disaster –- Pain –- Sorrow, Poetry, sonnet

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I did my best, my darling cat, poem, Poetry, sonnet, sorrow and woe and grief

Today I took my cat back to the vet
so that they can try and save his kidneys.

Three days. They will labor against this threat
for three days. “We’ll try our best.” But kitties

die just like the rest of us and, “our best,”
often isn’t good enough. After three

days then what? For years he slept on my chest.
For years he was my love, my refuge, he

witnessed what no one else has, what no one
else will. Three days of waiting, of patience,

of fear, of, “I did my best.” Is it wrong
when we say that? Grief, not sin, damns us. None

who read this will come in time. Let absence
break me. Today here, love. Tomorrow gone.

Image

moxie

01 Friday Nov 2019

Tags

atlas, certain physiques, men's myth, moxie, poem, Poetry, sonnet, why I need Feminism

First I drew her muscles. She had obliques
that would make titans sigh. Her broad shoulders

carried the weight. There are certain physiques
only found in men’s myth, though the daughters

of the gods come in all sizes. I drew
her as she held the world aloft. It’s odd

to call Atlas male. The one that I knew
had no machismo … just mortal, no god,

no false ennui. At her feet I drew her
sisters. That’s who she carried this for, with

a horned-moon on her forehead, storms above
her hips. — I’ve never had a big sister

like what I drew; one made not from men’s myth
but her own common muscles, common love.

Posted by babylon crashing | Filed under Feminism, Poetry, sonnet

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without blood

31 Thursday Oct 2019

Posted by babylon crashing in Poetry, sonnet

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Tags

cut it out, cutting, itches itched, itchy ghost, poem, Poetry, sonnet, without blood

This blood letting. That itch. You don’t approve
when I slice a burr-hole in the soft parts

of my flesh to extract … what? hurt. The groove
I cut is deep but I don’t need Dark Arts

to count the days before it will itch once
more. Let the bad blood, the stone of madness,

out. You’ve called me savage in the essence
of my faith … but without blood it’s useless

to pray. That itch seizes me more and more
these days. I’d let it out if I could cut

where it crawls under my skin and I’ve tried.
Trust me. I’m squeamish of razors and gore

yet I’ve still tried to cut it out. Cut what
itches me. Cut what runs riot inside.

midway

24 Thursday Oct 2019

Posted by babylon crashing in Disaster –- Pain –- Sorrow, Poetry, self-portrait, sonnet

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Dante, grief, heart murmur, losing my cat, losing my old boy, poem, Poetry, sonnet

“Midway through this maddening life,” you know
how this goes, “I found myself unredeemed

in a dark wood.” The “right road” was wrong. No.
The road was gone, as in, damned. What I dreamed.

What I blasphemed. Lovers of words must name
horror. I have swallowed demons before,

felt their workings in me. “Clock: tock-tock.” Same
shame. Same grief. Damn me with a touch of gore

on the cogwheel. Things slow down. In your heart
there is a murmur. You know how this goes.

X-rays show blood clots. Demons I can’t squeeze
out of you. That is my horror, sweetheart,

I’ll lose you midway … despite all of those
prayers and tears and pathetic “don’t leave me”s.

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