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memories of my ghost sista

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memories of my ghost sista

Tag Archives: losing my old boy

red thread

14 Thursday Nov 2019

Posted by babylon crashing in Disaster –- Pain –- Sorrow, Passings and Death Notes, Poetry, sonnet

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after a loss, JR, losing my old boy, my altar, poem, Poetry, sonnet, sorrow and grief, wait for me

— after a loss.

If love is what we make of it, then what
counts is not who we’ve lost but everyone

waiting for us at the end. “Love, spirit,
baby cat, I’m so proud of you. It’s done.

You’re safe. Sleep. Wait for me. I will follow.”
“His heart has stopped,” the vet said. I woke to

a strange empty bed. No nuzzling. No
medicine to prep. No deep sing-song mew

for food. Maybe my faith (“Love, wait for me.”)
is wrong? Maybe there’ll be no one waiting?

It’s hard when all you have is a red thread
joining you two. My altar looks lonely

without him sprawled in a sunbeam, grooming
his dark coat, burning with flecked shades of red.

plead

10 Sunday Nov 2019

Posted by babylon crashing in Disaster –- Pain –- Sorrow, Poetry, sonnet

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J.R., losing my old boy, loss, poem, Poetry, sonnet

Last night, two a.m. at the hospital,
with your loved one’s blood on your jeans. Ruin

and his screaming are still stuck in your skull
the next morning, all that noise while someone

tried to save his life. I brought him home. He
slept pressed close to my side. Can a tumor

grow and bloom so fast in days? They showed me
some X-rays. What difference does it matter

if it wasn’t there on Tuesday? It’s there
now. Death takes in threes: I lost Kriszti last

week and maybe J.R. today. Then who?
One more shock. Two weeks ago I would swear

life was good but pain is subtle and vast
and I can only plead: “not yet, not through.”

midway

24 Thursday Oct 2019

Posted by babylon crashing in Disaster –- Pain –- Sorrow, Poetry, self-portrait, sonnet

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Dante, grief, heart murmur, losing my cat, losing my old boy, poem, Poetry, sonnet

“Midway through this maddening life,” you know
how this goes, “I found myself unredeemed

in a dark wood.” The “right road” was wrong. No.
The road was gone, as in, damned. What I dreamed.

What I blasphemed. Lovers of words must name
horror. I have swallowed demons before,

felt their workings in me. “Clock: tock-tock.” Same
shame. Same grief. Damn me with a touch of gore

on the cogwheel. Things slow down. In your heart
there is a murmur. You know how this goes.

X-rays show blood clots. Demons I can’t squeeze
out of you. That is my horror, sweetheart,

I’ll lose you midway … despite all of those
prayers and tears and pathetic “don’t leave me”s.

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erotica [links]

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  • the pearl (a magazine of facetiae and volupous reading, 1879-1880)

electric mayhem [links]

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  • Severus & the Deatheaters [myspace]
  • sandra bernhard
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ars poetica: the blogs i-l

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ars poetica: the blogs s-z

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