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memories of my ghost sista

~ the dead are never satisfied

memories of my ghost sista

Category Archives: Armenia

holocaust angel

06 Friday Dec 2013

Posted by babylon crashing in Armenia, Poetry, sonnet

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Armenian Genocide, Armenian language, holocaust angel, please help, poem, Poetry, sonnet, tutor

Maybe my problem (I stop, think about
that and laugh. Then) is English. In Paris,

perhaps, I might find a teacher without
students, a great grandchild of the rootless

tribe that escaped Der-ez-Zor. Holocaust
angel, I’ve seen photos of you holy

in a torn sack dress. I’ve seen your bones, frost
white, dug up across Erzurum, Ani,

Van. Teach me French, teacher, then the ancient
tongue. The one that I wish to know. I wait,

I wait, I wait. In English there are none
who will speak. I don’t want to be silent

like a photograph. I wish to translate
this whole dark world into Armenian.

][][

note:

Let’s call this an obsession. The whole problem with wanting to learn a language that no one who lives near you speaks is that it is very hard to find a tutor. There use to be an Armenian community in Grand Rapids, Michigan, but not any more. I know this because in the city’s museum there is a display of a store run by an Armenian shop-keeper. But whoever they were and wherever they went to I do not know. One day I will meet an Armenian-speaker who will love poetry as much as I do and help me translate all the dark poems of my heart into the language I want to love but can’t speak. One day …

wanted: armenian typewriter for poetry

23 Wednesday Oct 2013

Posted by babylon crashing in Armenia

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Armenian typewriter, help, looking to buy, thank you

armenian underwood
……….. early 20th century underwood typewriter with armenian keys

DOES ANYONE KNOW: where I could buy an Armenian typewriter? I’ve looked on eBay to no luck. It might seem silly since there are free fonts for the computer online, but I want the machine, with buttons and those crazy insect-leg keys and the satisfying “t-chunk” sound each time I hit a key. Maybe someone’s grandparents have one up in a closet somewhere just dying to be loved again. I’ll send you copies of hand-typed poems, in Armenian. How cool would that be? Cheers!

martyr’s ancestors

14 Monday Oct 2013

Posted by babylon crashing in Armenia, Illustration and art, Poetry, sonnet

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1988 earthquake, 1995-1997, All Saviors Church, Ani, Arcadia, Armenia, Gyumri, Katie Aune, Peace Corps, poem, Poetry, sonnet

photo by katie aune

I lived near the ruins of All Saviors
Church. If this were an altar for the dead,
worshiped since 3000 BC, martyr’s
ancestors, then I would have prayed and fed
them as I once fed the dead of Ani’s
ruins, across the border, a different
city of ghosts. But it is not. What frees
all these dead from Arcadia’s ancient
curse? They entered into me, sick larvae
in a ripe fruit, and now I can’t leave it
alone. If I could call on some unknown
fury to heal this I would. But fury
and loss is what binds these cast-off spirits;
and now, like them, I can’t leave this alone.

][][

notes:

If metaphors are the engine that drives a poem then the problem with writing about a city that 98% of the free world has never heard of is, like trying to make sense of out-of-date pop cultural references, 98% of the free world won’t get what you’re trying to say. The metaphor, in other words, fails. I’m trying to avoid that here, but I realize that if I need to write several paragraphs in my notes explaining what each reference I use means then … perhaps I need to rethink how I can “talk right down to earth in a language that everybody here can easily understand.” (thank you, Living Color).

So, as a quick reference guide, here goes:

The poem is set in the earthquake-devastated city of Gyumri, Armenia; a part of the world that archaeologists have determined has been continually inhabited since 3000 BC. All Saviors Church was a ruined church down the street from where I once lived. Ani is an abandoned, ancient Armenian city just across the border between Armenia and Turkey. As a metaphor, Arcadia usually refers to the idea of an unspoiled, utopian wilderness; sort of like what your hippie parents (or grandparents) might talk about when someone mentions California in the 1960s. Needless to say, the 1960s have never been “all that,” in much the same way that modern-day Turkey has never been the cradle of anyone’s crescent civilization.

The photo I use here was taken by Katie Aune.

the path into purgatory

10 Thursday Oct 2013

Posted by babylon crashing in Armenia, Poetry, sonnet

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1995-1997, Aragats, bus rides, Dante, Gyumri, Hellz da bomb, Hrazdan, Inferno, Peace Corps, poem, Poetry, Purgatory, sonnet, Yerevan

… at the midpoint of the journey of life, I found myself in a dark forest, for the clear path was lost.
—Dante Alighieri, Inferno

All roads to Hell start like this, Dante tells
us. The path into purgatory, though,
the ghost realm, is much more difficult. Hell’s
Nine Circles are sick and flash, we all know
Hellz da bomb. Limbo, though, is a bus ride.
We wound through the farms on the Hrazdan,
then north, near Aragats. I had no guide,
no blessed Virgil. I could not speak more than
baby-words. But, as the bus turned the last
mountain pass, there it was spread out below:
empty, vast, flat. A gray valley so vast
it was all horizon. But there—a glow
on the edge—ghost ruin that had survived
the ’88 earthquake—I had arrived.

notes:

Inferno is the first part of Dante’s epic poem Divine Comedy. It is an allegory telling of the journey Dante took through Hell, guided by the soul of the Roman poet, Virgil.

Hrazdan is a river that flows through the Ararat valley, irrigating many apricot orchards and farmland. It divides the city of Yerevan in half. Once, during a very drunken party, a bunch of us Americans went skinny dipping in the river because what’s the point of having a river in your city if you can’t strip off all your clothes and jump in it now and then?

Mt. Aragats is the highest peak in Armenia, forming part of a mountain chain that separates Gyumri from Yerevan. To travel between the two cities required me taking a big red autobus that traveled roughly 15 miles an hour, it felt like, worming its way up and down high mountain roads. The city I refer to at the end of the poem is Gyumri, which in 1988 was totally destroyed in an earthquake that killed 25,000 people. When I arrived seven years later it was still rubble, looking like something out of a war movie.

shadows follow

10 Thursday Oct 2013

Posted by babylon crashing in Armenia, Poetry, sonnet

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1995-1997, Elie Wiesel, memory, Peace Corps, poem, Poetry, sonnet, Yerevan

Most people think that shadows follow, precede or surround beings or objects. The truth is that they also surround words, ideas, desires, deeds, impulses and memories.
— Elie Wiesel

If my memories could have only slept
in Yerevan; if I would have never
faced the sky’s worrisome slackness, windswept
spirits swept between mountains and further
rocks; if the swifts and skylarks had only
saved me; then telling you of what happened
would be utterable. My skull’s memory
feels like an oak-beam ripped in two, opened
by force. Hesitantly I step forward.
I want to tell you how this all began
but pain is potent and drives everything
away. There is no magic, no numbered
spell to ease this. No. I left Yerevan
and went north, which was all my undoing.

wreckage’s fate

10 Thursday Oct 2013

Posted by babylon crashing in Armenia, Poetry, sonnet

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fate, Hanrapetu'tyan Hraparaksurchgareju, poem, Poetry, Republic Square, sonnet, wreckage, Yerevan

Was there enough time to know the wreckage
that I soon would be facing? There were swifts,
skylarks, over Republic Square. Savage
small things. I would sit at a cafe, the gifts
from home—letters—spread out on the table
before me, drinking surch and garejur.
Find me a story teller or fable
maker, someone who doesn’t need liqueur
to help forget. Is it wreckage’s fate
to be wreckage? Savage words and bright birds
and I still have nightmares—all in a row.
But still … to have time to sit, watch and wait.
That’s a gift. To have time to write down words
of our fall; to have time enough to know.

][][

notes:

The Republic Square, or Hanrapetu’tyan Hraparak (Հանրապետության հրապարակ) as it is called in Armenian, is the large central square in the heart of Yerevan. It is intersected by Abovyan, Nalbandyan, Vazgen Sargsyan and Amiryan streets as well as Tigran Mets avenue. During my summer training (1995) in Peace Corps I would sit at a little cafe outside the National Gallery and History Museum, drinking coffee, surch (սուրճ) and beer, garejur (գարեջուր) and watching the skylarks circle in the sky far over head. I liked that particular cafe partly because it was fun to people watch (everyone passes through the square at some point) but also because the layout of the square gives anyone sitting at the cafe an obscured view of Mt. Ararat, which is always a nice thing.

mountain mountain mountain

10 Thursday Oct 2013

Posted by babylon crashing in Armenia, Poetry, sonnet

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1995-1997, Ararat, Armenia, Kurdish villages, Noah, Peace Corps, poem, Poetry, sonnet, Turkish gunships, Yerevan

But stay tender. Stay enchanted. Mountain,
mountain, mountain. I drank you like vodka,
so you weren’t useless like a grave. Heathen
women prayed for you and so did Noah.
We flew in during the city’s blackout.
I didn’t realize just how you dazzled
until I fell in love with your devout
colors: blue hues cut into deep purple.
Everywhere I went that summer I spied
you. Then, when Turkish gunships attacked
Kurdish towns, smoke darkened your eastern side.
People still pray to you. We build abstract
myths then tear them down. There’s nothing cryptic
about how this wayfarer is homesick.

disgrace

10 Thursday Oct 2013

Posted by babylon crashing in Armenia, Poetry, sonnet

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1995-1997, Armenia, disgrace, P.T.S.D., Peace Corps, poem, Poetry, Post-traumatic stress disorder, sonnet

These memories, these harsh memories, marred
with the stink of self-hatred and hard drink.
Meager flowers. Petals. Sparse leaf. A shard
I still cannot dislodge. I use to think
that time would dull them; to think that time’s cure
would make them all fade. Then I tried to write.
But what words are there for the dead? What poor
sequence or meager spell would ease the spite
I feel for myself? P.T.S.D. … they
said. Survivor’s guilt. A world with no lust.
Let me write my erotica, pretend
that the spiritual life is the best, pray
that this shard will loosen one day. It must.
I must. I must begin. I must begin.

][][

notes

P.T.S.D., Post-traumatic stress disorder, is a severe psychological condition that might develop after a person is exposed to a traumatic event. This diagnosis may be given when a group of symptoms occur, such as disturbing recurring flashbacks and nightmares, avoidance or numbing of memories of the event, or a high level of anxiety continuing for a long period of time after the event happened.

I was diagnosed with it after I returned home in disgrace from Peace Corps.

desert chic

28 Wednesday Aug 2013

Posted by babylon crashing in Armenia, Illustration and art

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1899, Armenian women, art, desert chic, explorer, fashion, Ottoman Turkey, pith helmet

desert chic

flash-back friday: 1899 fashion for today’s modern female Armenian explorer on the go …

remembering zaruhi petrosyan

26 Wednesday Jun 2013

Posted by babylon crashing in Armenia, Feminism

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Armenia, Armenian feminism, Armenian women, domestic violence, Zaruhi Petrosyan

zaruipetrosyanaaabbb

This is a friend I will never know, a sister I will never meet, a teacher I will never learn from.

This is Zaruhi Petrosyan. She was beaten to death by her husband. There are no domestic violence laws in Armenia; no place for women to go for safety; no one to turn to for help.

But change can only happen from within, domestic violence will only stop when it is taken seriously and not viewed as a private, family issue the government has no business with. I, personally, never want to lose another Zaruhi. Please consider signing this petition. Thank you.

PETITION LETTER:

Dear Prime Minister Mr. Tigran Sargsyan,

According to research in 2008, a quarter of women in Armenia are victims of domestic violence. These women think they can’t report the violence or rape because of social stigmas and pressure from others. Although there are steps in your country to fight gender-based violence, there needs to be specific laws directed at domestic violence. Please take steps to create laws fighting domestic violence.

If laws don’t specify violence within a family from violence with strangers, the proper protocol can’t be taken. Police sometimes see domestic violence as a “family matter,” which makes women think it is acceptable. This leads to women not reporting violence and Armenia as a whole covering up a serious problem. The other problem is women do not have the resources, such as shelters, to get the necessary help when they are victims of violence. I am asking you to create laws that will prevent domestic violence and punish the assailants.

Sincerely,

[Your Name Here]

do not be afraid

013113_0

arm_women_violence_demo

Demo

DV-article-2-photo-credit-Society-Without-Violence-Armenian-FB-page-protest-in-front-of-courthouse-during-Mariam-Gevorgyan-DV-trial

1-year-anniversary-of-Zaruhi-Petrosyans-death

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