fuckathon

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“Look how hairy she is.” With more laughing
and more vodka, with more snogging you dragged

your best friend’s skirt up, her dark pubes framing
the wet spot in her panties. You have gagged

on me often enough, pressed me deeper
until my balls tickled your chin and you

grinned, throat full. Which gods does a worshiper
turn to if she desires a three-split screw?

We don’t know. We’re damaged. We try to heal
in our own way. Others use prayer. For us

it’s cum in the pubes of your friend, motel
bed sheets and frenzy. It’s kissing with zeal

with the radio on, pure fuckathon, plus
our pretty faces are going to hell.

rag ride

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A kiss to your nethers. Neither here nor
here, you say, showing me where I cannot

go. That’s fair. We all have limits. I swore
once that I was done with blood. But that dot,

clit clot of red, pulsing in your panties,
that’s hard to pass over. Your dark moon days

leave me chewing on cotton mice: to squeeze,
to taste, to savor your hell week. Hell craze,

you say, as if I could steal that divine
flow in your menses, eldritch itch, that clot

dried on my cheek. “Vag-y rag ride,” “buttstuff,”
“dark sex magic,”
that’s where you draw the line.

Chill, you say. There’s more to life than sexpot
mischief. Yes, right now your blood is enough.

sick new trick

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Squeezed in, gently, with clit, with faith, with drum.
“Almost a virgin,” you called her as you caressed

her as my cock vanished in her rectum —
of all the thirteen shamanic acts blessed

by the gods this is your favorite. “If two
can cum as one then so can three,”
you said.

Let the drum match each time I half withdrew
then pushed back in harder. We are well-read,

eager, the ones who consume taboos, fugue states,
cum and souls. “Want to learn a sick new trick?”

you’d asked after school. You made her floodgates
slick her 3rd eye with sodomy’s magic —

impaled, blessed by what others vilified,
by what was baffling until we tried.

all fours

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Call it a guidebook; how we survived plagues
without love. — In the scullery I breathed

in your aroma while you spread your legs
my face so close that your hips bucked and seethed,

desperate to be treated rough. Out of all
the plagues of Egypt a loveless marriage

hurt the most. In the laundry room you’d sprawl
dazed in sunlight, cum’d and tongue’d. I’m the bridge

that took you from the stink of your husband’s
disdain to places you forgot were yours.

Can’t you still feel them? Once you burst, squirted
across my face. Once you fled these wastelands.

Do it again. Here’s the map. On all fours
salvation comes in your own cleansing flood.

genitalese

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With clit and acid and chronic. Not once
did you call those three names. Shame. I avoid

grandma’s trailer now, keeping my essence
from the winds that called you out, teased and toyed

with you, gone four months pregnant, that called you
to your knees. Does grandma know that the breeze

still calls you? That once you wrote your taboo
in low Genitalese? … do words of sleaze

still spill out of your mouth? Does your daughter
know what I am? A waft of longing. Ghost

that said I love you … or have you out grown
romance? Will you show her how you’d conjure

me with a mouth full of cum? No? — At most
tell her which names bound us: mother-maid-crone.

disquiet

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Others, those you love, have done shit. Good shit.
They’ll be remembered. That’s good. You? Perhaps

not. No one knows your name. One more misfit
writing about vinyl, buckles and straps …

about times before we were cursed with what
got called virtue and Lilith, first to grieve,

fled from such vile disquiet. Before smut
became Her code. Now the daughters of Eve

call smut sin but what do ribs know about
liberation? More than us and our lust.

The world that they want has no place for this.
They’re so certain and I’m so full of doubt.

Lilith, if smut is cursed then smut is cursed.
Then so am I, your priestess, with cursed bliss.

double down

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“Venus with a penis.” After Britt’s third
bong hit. After the third time I surfaced

between her legs, with, “Paphian custard,”
on my chin. We left Vegas and August

and soaked in thermal springs. Now our unsafe
sex is just some flashback, lust gone manic,

like you. Did you like your chronic? your waif
boy’s 12-inch tongue? your day that started sick

at the Double Down? She was Britt the Clit.
You were her Mama Jama. I was pleased,

thinking my dust witch happy at last. No.
Even at those springs. Even with Britt’s spit

slick on my cock and the fingers you eased
into her, red rocks still split, stoned and slow.

NOTE:
The Double Down Saloon is a bar in Las Vegas that, at least back in 2000s, had a fabulous “old school break dancing” night once a week. In myth Paphos of Cyprus was daughter of Pygmalion and built a temple to Aphrodite on the island. In Victorian sex-slang, “Paphian cream,” was a euphemism for girl cum.

szeretlek

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Teach me, I said, all that’s obscene. Taboo.
Vulgar. You loved my poems about flesh.

I can say, “Szeretlek,” that I love you —
but I wanted to learn, “En is nedves

vagyok,” I’m wet, too. Not that it matters.
You’re gone. Lost. Somewhere that I won’t follow;

now that you’ve taught me new curses and slurs …
terms to describe my irksome libido.

That’s not to say that you were wrong. Passion
can be … complex. Perhaps you never learned

that so my words got lost in translation?
In the end what changed? Love never returned.

Are you still lonely with your bad karma?
I’m still writing about clits and vulva.

NOTE:
I use two Hungarian phrases in the poem. Szeretlek means I love you. En is nedves vagyok means I’m wet as well.

teeth

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Half-hard with my serpentine curve halfway
down your throat you just smirked as if to hint,

“focus, boy,” and, “wouldn’t death by foreplay
be a damn shame? Now, make me gag.”
The glint

of your lamprey teeth; the circular saw
of your jaw stretched wide as your maw unhinged,

sucking me in. “No blow jobs for bourgeois
bros,”
you’d said of all the men who had cringed

each time you spread your lips. Remember this:
love, we’re not fated to be loved. We just

remind lovers why they’re blessed. I can feel
your teeth pricking my flesh; a painful kiss

turning me thick. Thick and fated for lust:
I’ll stand and convulse, you’ll gag as you kneel.

pane

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Mist moved beyond the tree tops. “Let’s resume,”
you said, guiding me. We’d hid from the snow

after school that day up in your bedroom—-
with your mom downstairs. You bit your pillow,

keeping your groans in. Off in the forest
dead things rattled; a wet dream, all rime wings,

toothy gristle, stirred. Hoarfrost and dark lust
make for some corrupting magic; somethings

good grades can’t save us from. You soaked my palm
as you curled and jerked — letting a touch more

chill in. Chill and conjure. Even your mom,
sensing cold queer power, paused at the door

while frost and nightmare pressed against the pane,
watching you watch me lick you clean again.