filled my heart

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Damaged. I don’t need to say anything
more but you know. All my poetry pales
before those two syllables. Heart breaking
how I learned not to give a fuck. Details
are all unimportant. All tragedies
are pain. But to not give a fuck? That part
hurts the most. Damaged goods. Before “sissies,”
“tomboys” and “fags.” Before fear filled my heart.

I own that now, for Damaged means wisdom.
It means that we took it all and survived.
I do give a fuck. If you’re reading this
then we survived. You and me. I’ve been numb
for a good long time. Damaged. They deprived
us of our childhood but we’re still us. Us.

again again again

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But my mother’s mother, Maleficent,
widowed from her first love, and that love’s first
ripe fruit, moved through her father’s realm, torment
in her heart, her native tongue, being cursed
as all fairy tales curse us with ruin.
Again. Again. Again. “Find your magic,”
grandmother replied at each doubt—her one
dictum, fed with her green fire and sapphic
faith. She spoke so little of pain that we
forgot that she was a widow with no
regret, practiced in delight. I recall
all her stories, of heroines scrubbed free
of men’s curses. Tales where not one widow,
crone, step-mother died—just burned for us all.

this wine that i uncork

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She brushed against him, kissed the devil, sucked
his fat bottom lip into her mouth, flicking
her tongue once, twice; each kiss causing havoc
all through his body, essence bubbling
up, then nipped, then suckled. Virgins were her
biggest weakness. She wanted to taste all
of his fourteen years. Awake the geyser
no one had yet to tap. Little boy doll,
I’ll take what is yours into what is mine.
I’ll make you sob. She raised one arched eyebrow,
posed. It’s done like this, she said, as she bent
catch of his breath down on her knees. This wine
that I uncork, fill me, gag me. Cum now,
son; and with that he spent and spent and spent.

whores my mothers

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I’ll go, rescue you from hell. I have squeezed
the sleaze that says there’s snakes in your tresses,
serpents in your pubes. I’ve been down there, greased
and lubed the garden of your thighs. Bitches
be my sisters. Whores my mothers. Sluts be
my aunts. Wrap me in your gorgon hair.
I’m cold. I like the way you stare at me.
Hard eyes on fire. Beyond false-faith and prayer,
beyond good and bad, there is love. Men build
buildings and call themselves gods. But this bliss
doesn’t come from that. Medusa, don’t drown
in male rage. They say that they were thrilled
to kill you. We don’t need monsters in this
wicked world. Let’s burn all their buildings down.

the cynical kind

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when it comes to smut and poets you shut
up if you’re doing this just to get laid
you are making it far worse i love smut
and its morals something that you degrade
like born-agains do to faith your hopeless
need to control fear but fear like a blow
job keeps us believing in this faithless
world it keeps the fires of the libido
hot you getting laid is the least of our
concerns aphrodite would be displeased
with you instead escape this trap this bind
shrine maids do it but you all who devour
their lust are their lust the only diseased
sort of passion is the cynical kind …

bleeding fuck

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I’m glad that you go mad, sometimes, despite
all the beauty that you’re still buried in.
Here is your map and flying goggles, night
witch. Here is No-Man’s Land. Erotic sin
mandates that you get caught while doing this;
but our people won’t be able to bring
back your body. Today, stay sane, princess.
See this symbol of the fuck? The bleeding
fuck. Now take off and fly. Kiss me, kismet.
Just this once stop being his wife, mother
and friend. Come back to me. Your bestial
hunger piques my interest. You’re my rosette
stone, one awaiting an interpreter.
Flesh and blood, you are undecipherable.

dismal

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They made her a grave, too cold and damp
For a soul so warm and true;
And she’s gone to the Lake of the Dismal Swamp,
Where, all night long, by a fire-fly lamp,
She paddles her white canoe.

And her fire-fly lamp I soon shall see,
And her paddle I soon shall hear;
Long and loving our life shall be,
And I’ll hide the maid in a cypress tree,
When the footstep of death is near …

—- from A Ballad: The Lake of the Dismal Swamp, by Thomas Moore

ballad of black dread, by federico garcia lorca

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Frenetic axes of cocks
digging in search of the dawn
when down from the dark foothills
comes Soledad Montoya.
Yellow copper of her flesh
smelling of horses and murk.
Smoky anvils of her breasts,
wailing out rounded songs.
“Soledad, who are you calling for,
all alone, at this hour?”
“Do not worry who it is,
what is this to you, anyway?
I want whatever I want,
my body and my joy.”
“Soledad, dreadful one,
the stallion that runs free
finds at last the sea
only to be swallowed by the waves.”
“Do not speak to me of the sea,
for the black dread surges out
from the land of the olive tree,
under the rustling of its leaves.”
“Soledad, what anguish you have
what horrendous pain!
You wail lemon juice,
bitter from the lips with longing.”
“Ai, what anguish! I drift
around my house,
from kitchen to bedroom,
my braids undone, on the floor.
Ai, what terror! My clothes
and flesh are fading into black.
Ai, my linen nightgowns!
Ai, my poppy thighs!”
“Soledad, wash your body
in skylark water.
Let peace into your heart,
Soledad Montoya.”

Downhill the river sings:
mantle of leaves and sky.
The new light is crowned
in wild pumpkin flowers.
Ai, the pain! Pain of the gypsies,
clean pain from a hidden stream
and from the endless dawn!

—- translation by ZJC

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romance de la pena negra

Las piquetas de los gallos
cavan buscando la aurora,
cuando por el monte oscuro
baja Soledad Montoya.
Cobre amarillo, su carne,
huele a caballo y a sombra.
Yunques ahumados sus pechos,
gimen canciones redondas.
Soledad, ¿por quién preguntas
sin compaña y a estas horas?
Pregunte por quien pregunte,
dime: ¿a ti qué se te importa?
Vengo a buscar lo que busco,
mi alegría y mi persona.
Soledad de mis pesares,
caballo que se desboca,
al fin encuentra la mar
y se lo tragan las olas.
No me recuerdes el mar,
que la pena negra, brota
en las tierras de aceituna
bajo el rumor de las hojas.
¡Soledad, qué pena tienes!
¡Qué pena tan lastimosa!
Lloras zumo de limón
agrio de espera y de boca.
¡Qué pena tan grande! Corro
mi casa como una loca,
mis dos trenzas por el suelo,
de la cocina a la alcoba.
¡Qué pena! Me estoy poniendo
de azabache carne y ropa.
¡Ay, mis camisas de hilo!
¡Ay, mis muslos de amapola!
Soledad: lava tu cuerpo
con agua de las alondras,
y deja tu corazón
en paz, Soledad Montoya.

Por abajo canta el río:
volante de cielo y hojas.
Con flores de calabaza,
la nueva luz se corona.
¡Oh pena de los gitanos!
Pena limpia y siempre sola.
¡Oh pena de cauce oculto
y madrugada remota!

ballad of the spanish civil guard, by federico garcia lorca

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Black are the horses,
their horses are shod in black.
On their capes glitter
stains of ink and wax.
This is why they do not weep:
their skulls are cut in lead.
They ride the highways
with patent leather souls.
Hunchbacked and nocturnal,
they ride forth and command
the silences of dark rubber
and the fears like fine sand.
They go where they want,
and hide in their skulls
vague astronomical ideas,
amorphous pistols.

Ai, city of gypsies!
Corners hung with colors.
The moon and pumpkins
and cherries in sweet preserve.
Ai, city of gypsies!
Who could see you and not recall?
City of musks and agony,
city of cinnamon towers.

As the night was approaching
the night so deep, dark, nightish,
the gypsies at their forges
were hammering suns and arrows.
A deeply wounded stallion
knocked at each door.
Glass cocks were crowing
in Jerez de la Frontera.
The naked wind, turning
in the silver night, around
the corner with surprise,
in the night so deep, dark, nightish.

The Virgin and Saint Joseph
have lost their castanets.
They are looking for the gypsies
to see if they can help find them.
Here comes the Virgin, dressed
just like the mayor’s wife
in silvery chocolate paper,
with a necklace of almonds.
Saint Joseph swings his arms
beneath a cloak of silk.
Behind comes Pedro Domecq
and three Persian sultans.
The half moon dreamed
out an ecstasy of the stork.
And ensigns and lanterns
stormed the roof tiles.
Hipless dancers sob
in every mirror.
Water and shadow, shadow and water
in Jerez de la Frontera.

Ai, city of gypsies!
Corners hung with colors.
Quell your green lights:
for here come the Civil Guard.
Ai, city of gypsies!
Who could see you and not recall?
Let her be, far from the sea,
with no combs to hold back her hair.

To the celebrated city
they ride two abreast.
The gossip of the everlasting
invades their cartridge belts.
They ride two abreast.
A night of twin shadows in cloth.
The sky, they conclude,
a window full of spurs.

The city, unsuspicious,
unfolding its doors.
40 Civil Guards, to sack
and burn, poured through.
The clocks stopped and the brandy
bottles impersonated November
so as not to stir any suspicion.
Up rose from the weathercocks
a series of long screams.
Sabers slashed the air,
trampling under black horse hoof.
Old gypsy women tried to flee
through the half-lit streets
with their benumbed horses
and enormous crocks of coins.
Up the palisade streets
climbed the sinister capes
leaving behind brief
whirlwinds of scissors.
In the gate of Bethlehem
all the gypsies gathered.
Saint Joseph, mortally wounded,
laid a shroud upon a girl.
Sharp and stubborn, rifle
bursts rang through the night.
The Virgin healed children
with spit from a fallen star.
But the Civil Guard advances,
starting cruel fires
where the naked hope of youth
burns. Rosa, the Comborio,
sits keening at her door
with her mutilated breasts
before her on a tray.
Other girls run in horror,
pursued by their trailing braids,
in a wind exploding
with the roses of black gunpowder.
When all the tiled roofs
have been laid as furrows in the earth,
dawn rocked its shoulders about
in a long silhouette of stone.

Ai, city of gypsies!
The Civil Guard saunters away
through a tunnel of silence
leaving you in flames.
Ai, city of gypsies!
Who could see you and not recall?
Let them find you on my deep brow:
blazon of sand and moon.

—- translation by ZJC

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romance de la guardia civil española

Los caballos negros son.
Las herraduras son negras.
Sobre las capes relucen
manchas de tinta y de cera.
Tienen, por eso no lloran,
de plomo las calaveras.
Con el alma de charol
vienen por la carretera.
Jorobados y nocturnos,
por donde animan ordenan
silencios de goma oscura
y miedos de fina arena.
Pasan, si quieren pasar,
y ocultan en la cabeza
una vaga astronomía
de pistolas inconcretas.

¡Oh ciudad de los gitanos!
En las esquinas banderas.
La luna y la calabaza
con las guindas en conserva.
¡Oh ciudad de los gitanos!
¿Quién te vio y no te recuerda?
Ciudad de dolor y almizcle,
con las torres de canela.

Cuando llegaba la noche,
noche que noche nochera,
los gitanos en sus fraguas
forjaban soles y flechas.
Un caballo malherido,
llamaba a todas las puertas.
Gallos de vidrio cantaban
por Jerez de la Frontera.
El viento vuelve desnudo
la esquina de la sorpresa,
en la noche platinoche
noche, que noche nochera.

La Virgen y San José,
perdieron sus castañuelas,
y buscan a los gitanos
para ver si las encuentran.
La Virgen viene vestida
con un traje de alcaldesa
de papel de chocolate
con los collares de almendras.
San José mueve los brazos
bajo una capa de seda.
Detrás va Pedro Domecq
con tres sultanes de Persia.
La media luna soñaba
un éxtasis de cigüeña.
Estandartes y faroles
invaden las azoteas.
Por los espejos sollozan
bailarinas sin caderas.
Agua y sombra, sombra y agua
por Jerez de la Frontera.

¡Oh ciudad de los gitanos!
En las esquinas banderas.
Apaga tus verdes luces
que viene la benemérita.
¡Oh ciudad de los gitanos!
¿Quién te vio y no te recuerda?
Dejadla lejos del mar, sin
peines para sus crenchas.

Avanzan de dos en fondo
a la ciudad de la fiesta.
Un rumor de siemprevivas
invade las cartucheras.
Avanzan de dos en fondo.
Doble nocturno de tela.
El cielo, se les antoja,
una vitrina de espuelas.

La ciudad libre de miedo,
multiplicaba sus puertas.
Cuarenta guardias civiles
entran a saco por ellas.
Los relojes se pararon,
y el coñac de las botellas
se disfrazó de noviembre
para no infundir sospechas.
Un vuelo de gritos largos
se levantó en las veletas.
Los sables cortan las brisas
que los cascos atropellan.
Por las calles de penumbra
huyen las gitanas viejas
con los caballos dormidos
y las orzas de monedas.
Por las calles empinadas
suben las capas siniestras,
dejando atrás fugaces
remolinos de tijeras.
En el portal de Belén
los gitanos se congregan.
San José, lleno de heridas,
amortaja a una doncella.
Tercos fusiles agudos
por toda la noche suenan.
La Virgen cura a los niños
con salivilla de estrella.
Pero la Guardia Civil
avanza sembrando hogueras,
donde joven y desnuda
la imaginación se quema.
Rosa la de los Camborios,
gime sentada en su puerta
con sus dos pechos cortados
puestos en una bandeja.
Y otras muchachas corrían
perseguidas por sus trenzas,
en un aire donde estallan
rosas de pólvora negra.
Cuando todos los tejados
eran surcos en la sierra,
el alba meció sus hombros
en largo perfil de piedra.

¡Oh ciudad de los gitanos!
La Guardia Civil se aleja
por un túnel de silencio
mientras las llamas te cercan.
¡Oh ciudad de los gitanos!
¿Quién te vio y no te recuerda?
Que te busquen en mi frente.
Juego de luna y arena.