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memories of my ghost sista

~ the dead are never satisfied

memories of my ghost sista

Author Archives: babylon crashing

the shadow that came into the woods

22 Saturday Jun 2013

Posted by babylon crashing in story

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Ainu, art, Buddhist nun, death personified, Japanese mythology, Lake Kussharo, Marewrew, silver-tailed fox, story, winter

shadow that came into the woods

PART I:

If the sky had not been filled with blinding snow Fuyu would have said there was nothing to dread that day. That there was no nameless fear walking upon the road before her. But she was winter-born and the first snows had been falling for an hour or more; the barren hill was now ash and nothing more. What wind there was came from behind her; rippling her robes, mussing her hair.

The long slope before her stretched out until it met the clouds, disappearing into the rounded horizon as it melted into the gray sky. Fuyu had been following wagon tracks, gashes in the snow, where infrequent strangers had marked their passage some time before. With the failing daylight the shadows around her turned from blacks and pinks into omens and warnings. It was a veiled land; a land of mist and cold. The world all around her was quiet, and for a long moment she did not move, curious about the chance to see things for what they really were. She was still not halfway home.

Fuyu’s eyes were not very good. She could not tell what made a faint ocher blur in the middle of the road until she was standing over it. Three brown grass stalks were poking above the snow; tall, thin, feathery late-autumn grass, now withered. It was so beautiful she was sorry to have to walk upon it.

Fuyu stood looking down at the tracks, and then, because she had to hurry on, lifted her eyes to the horizon once more. She frowned. There was now something dark approaching, something baleful cutting against the low sky. A shadow? On it came. Fuyu had scarcely enough time to wonder before she saw that it was a nun. This was a curiosity. Fuyu could never understand the lure of Buddhism, especially when it specifically stated that women could never gain salvation because of the Five Hindrances; the female soul could not attain Buddhahood until it had changed into a male. Who would want to make themselves miserable by believing in that?

Still, as the other woman approached Fuyu moved to one side and bowed her head.

“You are traveling all by yourself, mother,” Fuyu said, even those the woman appeared to be younger than she was. This was Fuyu attempting to be civil. She saw so few travelers pass down her road, for she lived twelve miles from the nearest village and was curious to know where this strange nun was going.

“To the temple, little sister, to the temple,” came the answer, spoken in a sing-song, little girl’s voice. It was not the type of voice one might hear at the temples, though. She must have beautiful at one time, Fuyu mused, but with her shapeless robes and shaved head she looked more like a corpse than anything that might visit her in her dreams. The nun was already five yards past her, walking with a gait that betrayed her youth.

“The temple?” Fuyu called out after her. “Which temple?”

“Hai Yo-tsuoni,” came the musical reply.

Hai Yo-tsuoni wasn’t so much a temple, it was more a roadside shrine that the few families who lived in the area used to placate the kami forest spirits when the need arose. There had been recently a funeral ceremony, Fuyu recalled. A little boy from the Watanabe family had been found dead three days ago. Attacked. At least that was what gossip in the village said, last time she had visited it.

“You are three days late,” Fuyu called back, wondering why the Watanabes had asked for a Buddhist to help bury their son. Mother Oki, the Shinto priestess, was enough for every one else. Then Fuyu wondered why the young woman had called her “little sister.”

Fuyu turned to watch the stranger move off down the hill, then she paused, seeing something that she had not noticed before. The young woman was lame. Her left foot dragged behind her, the way polio would wither a limb. In the newly fallen snow her foot prints ran dark and uneven where the healthy foot had been forced to take most of the weight. Fuyu shivered. The memory of the once beautiful but now gaunt face, those eyes that did not look at her as she passed by, the limping and odd voice of the strange nun. She did not know why, but there was something immeasurably lonesome, endlessly miserable in that robbed figure, now growing indistinct through the falling snow.

Sighing, Fuyu continued her walk, cresting the top of the hill and then making her way into the woods. The more she walked, crunching through the snow, the more a strange mood began to creep over her. She fancied she heard voices, thin little moans, high up in the air over head. There was a chattering of laughter from the kami, or at least what she assumed to be the kami, on the edge of human hearing. Now all the joy and wonder of a walk through a first snowfall had vanished. The familiar rocks and trees were grotesque in the twilight, threatening. On more than one occasion she had come across monstrous forms pressing themselves between the shadows of trees, under fallen stones, swinging through the naked branches. However, these only turned out to be rotten logs or dry leaves caught in bare bushes, tricks of the snow. She felt like a dog whose senses have alerted her to the sort of unseen terrors humans can only discern when it is far, far too late. These woods did not feel like her own just then, and that, more than all the queer sights and sounds, was what scared her. It wasn’t the idea of something following her that she could not see that caused her to sweat, despite the cold, it was the terror that within her some primal consciousness that she did not know she even possessed had suddenly come awake. Men did not scare her. Demons, though, did.

Finally, at long last, she found herself leaving the woods and entering her own clearing. Smoke curled from her chimney, which meant she had a guest. As she stopped to open the door to her hut she thought she heard a faint sound, a far off noise: alien, unrecognizable. She forgot the door was latched and pushed it harder than she intended. The rope broke and the wooden door swung into the room. There were no spirits inside, at least nothing to harm her. Turning sharply around from the smoldering fire sat an old Ainu woman, a neighbor who had just been in the process of filling her pipe. At the woman’s feet was Kuzunoha, Fuyu’s silver-tailed fox, who grinned, showing the tip of her teeth.

“Auntie Marewrew-sama!” Fuyu cried, for she had not been expecting company. “Please forgive my absence. Is anything wrong?” She worried when the old woman came unexpectedly, for it almost always meant that one of Marewrew’s large family was dead or gravely ill.

“I do not know.”

The old woman smiled as Fuyu carefully shut and barred the door using the rope she had recently broken.

“A dream told me to come here, so here I am.”

“A dream? What is it?”

“You know, those pictures in your head when you sleep, but that’s not important right now. A dream is a dream is a dream. But you were not home. So I waited and made supper.” She nodded at the dull embers. Fuyu saw she had a pot on the fire, with a hacked-off joint of dog meat bubbling away. “Koinu wa stew.”

Fuyu was glad to see her old neighbor, for she was so chilled and tired from her walk. It was not good to sit alone in a hut of the first winter’s night and know there was something out in all that darkness hunting for you.

When there was no more Koinu wa stew left they sat close together near the fire with Kuzunoha sleeping comfortably on Fuyu’s lap. Outside the wind had risen, full of lamentation in the branches that sounded something like the chatter of the little people of the forest. Fuyu saw that her adopted auntie was not ready to start for home, though the hour was growing late.

“Can I stay here tonight?” Marewrew asked, without a smile this time, almost anxiously. “It is a bad night.”

Fuyu was pleased with the request, but she asked if the old woman’s family would worry.

“They know where I went. They would only be worried if they knew I was outside and not in here.”

The old Ainu listened for a while to the wind, staring into the embers. Then she tossed a bark-covered log on it so that the sparks flew up the chimney.

“The Korobokkuru have left this part of the country,” Marewrew suddenly announced. “Men-folk chopping down trees, cutting into mountains, cursing the land with I don’t know what.”

Fuyu nodded. She knew all about the Ainu’s belief in the “the little people below the leaves of the butterbur plant,” as they were called, the Korobokkuru, who helped farmers and aided the lost. She had never seen any evidence of their existence, but that didn’t mean they weren’t there. If Marewrew said they had left that part of Hokkaido then they probably had.

It took Marewrew a while to fill her pipe. If Fuyu had not been used to her ways she could never have known that the old woman’s eyes were not on the clay bowl in her hand, but on her young host’s face, half-hidden in the shadows.

“Two days,” Marewrew said abruptly. “In two days we are going to leave here.”

“What? Where to?”

“Lake Kussharo.”

“Why?” Fuyu was astounded. Marewrew’s family had not abandoned their homestead in all the time she could remember.

“I told you, the Korobokkuru are not coming back. It isn’t any good here.”

“But …”

Fuyu wondered if the old woman was afraid of the report that a few stray wolves that had come down off the mountains, earlier that year, for food had been scarce. But she knew that was nonsense. There was no fox, wolf or bear alive that Marewrew would see as a danger; a danger so terrible she would willingly abandon her family’s ancestors in their clay jars just to relocate to the shores of lake Kussharo. It must be something else.

“I tell you that it isn’t any good,” the old woman repeated; she lifted one long, muscled saffron hand solemnly. “You should come with us.”

Fuyu laughed. “And do what, Auntie-sama? Starve? It’s winter. Plus, there are wolves up by Kussharo, too, I am told. No thank you.”

The two women fell into a tense silence. The fire between them cracked and sputtered. Finally Fuyu broke the silence.

“Auntie, who was the strange nun I met today on the road heading to Hai Yo-tsuoni?”

“A nun, you say? Was it Mother Oki? no? Mother Erai?”

“No. She was much younger, but tired-looking and one of her legs was crippled.”

“Crippled! You mean she was dragging her leg behind her?”

Marewrew jumped off her stool and stood before Fuyu, suddenly tall and alarmed. The younger woman had never seen her neighbor so excited as she was now.

“Er, I don’t know.”

“You saw a strange nun not from these parts, you say? No, I do not believe it. That cannot be her. Still … still … you must come with us, daughter, to Kussharo!”

“Tell me about the nun first,” Fuyu began, still in a bit of shock.

“A lame oni, a lame woman, a lame nun, — one and the same and none of them are all any good!” Marewrew said, spitting into the fire. “We cannot leave tonight, but tomorrow, at dawn, we must be gone.”

Though it was not late Fuyu was more tired than she realize. Long after she had gone to her sleeping mat in the corner, however, Fuyu saw Marewrew’s wrinkled face alert and listening by firelight. She absentmindedly played with an object of some kind in her two hands. The wind had died away; there was no more fairy laughter to be heard. She fell to sleep with Kuzunoha wrapped around her neck and to the sound of the fire, the soft pat of snow against the roof. But the straight old figure in her chair sat rigid, waiting, as if she were holding a vigil with the dead.

monster [monstro]

20 Thursday Jun 2013

Posted by babylon crashing in Erotic, Poetry, Portuguese, Translation

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monster, monstro, Poetry, Portuguese translation

Acordar o bicho a minha forma usual. Tens sido vida fora o meus desejos escuros. As treva desliza, se desenrola na dentro treva. Este é o meu noturnos. Tua boca em flor; beija-te, beija-te, beija-te. Forma usual.
.
Waking the beast my usual way. You’ve been living off my dark desires. The darkness slips, unfolds within the darkness. This is my night. Your mouth is in bloom; I kiss you, I kiss you, I kiss you. The usual way.

all of us who love the erotic [todos nós que amamos o erótico]

20 Thursday Jun 2013

Posted by babylon crashing in Erotic, Poetry, Portuguese, Translation

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all of us who love the erotic, Poetry, Portuguese translation, todos nós que amamos o erótico

O teu corpo é um licor em minha boca; água que queima com a minha língua dentro de a têmpora.
O teu leite é um mistério que escorre senhora sensualidade.
Quando criança o erótico me assustou.
Eu carregava a loucura dentro de mim, eu compreendi; um beijo e meu melhor amigo regrediu com o desejo devassa.
Mas isso foi há muito tempo atrás
Hoje eu perder teus mortos mãozinhas.
Eu perder teu louco riso; teu julgamento sobre todos nós que amamos o erótico.

.
Your body is like liqueur inside my mouth; burning water with my tongue inside the temple.
Your milk is a mystery that oozes sensuality.
As a child the erotic scared me.
I carried the madness inside me, I realized; a kiss and my best friend regressed with wanton desire.
But that was a long time ago
Today I miss your dead little hands.
I miss your crazy laugh; your judgment on all of us who love the erotic.

my sister [irmã minha]

19 Wednesday Jun 2013

Posted by babylon crashing in Poetry, Portuguese, Translation

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incest, irmã minha, my sister, Poetry, Portuguese translation, the dead are never satisfied

Irmã morta minha dentro de mim está.
Você entende os mortos?
Se a minha irmã era uma montanha eu era um cactus em chamas, aquecendo sangue dela.
Os mortos não têm casa, e nada pode acalmar seus medo.
É por isso que irmã morta minha dentro está de mim.
Porque eu amo ela.

.
My dead sister is inside me.
Do you understand the dead?
If my sister was a mountain then I was a burning cactus warming her blood.
The dead have no home and nothing can calm their fear.
That is why my dead sister is inside of me.
Because I love her.

dreams of the dead [sonhos dos mortos]

19 Wednesday Jun 2013

Posted by babylon crashing in Poetry, Portuguese, Translation

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dreams of the dead, Poetry, Portuguese translation, sonhos dos mortos

Como faço os mortos dormem?
Eles são feitos de céu e pedra.
O céu não dorme.
Pedras não durmo.
Sempre que a minha irmã sonhou, a grama torcida.
O céu sangrou.
Sonhos da minha irmã definir nossa cama em chamas.

.
How do the dead sleep?
They are made out of stone and sky.
The sky does not sleep.
Stones do not sleep.
Whenever my sister dreamed, grass twisted.
The sky bled.
The dreams of my sister set our bed on fire.

the heat of the beast [o cio da fera]

19 Wednesday Jun 2013

Posted by babylon crashing in Poetry, Portuguese, Translation

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Heat of the Beast, O cio da fera, Poetry, Portuguese translation

Você é um deusa do morte,
e eu sou sem pudor sem roupa.
Não me toca.
Eu sou o fogo que os mortos tem de se lembrar.
O cio da fera.
A loucura de uma irmã.
Há alguns incêndios que você não pode matar.

.
You are a goddess of death,
and I’m shamelessly naked.
Do not touch me.
I’m the fire that the dead must remember.
The heat of the beast.
The madness of a sister.
There are some fires you can not kill.

i will not show you mine [não vou mostrar mina para você]

19 Wednesday Jun 2013

Posted by babylon crashing in Poetry, Portuguese, Translation

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I will not show you mine, não vou mostrar mina para você, Poetry, Portuguese translation

Estamos todos vimos que de fenda imaculado. Mesmo as crianças vão dizer o que é. Eles vão explicar-lhe por que ele abre e fecha. Ai!, minha contrações, sangue bombeando, minha flor que arde. Vá-se embora. Não vou mostrar mina para você. Minha longos arrepios. O pulso de meu desejo, duros, retesados. Minha curtas contrações. Vida latejando, querendo implodir, ou escoar fora. Vá-se embora. Aquele pequeno fogo, no interior do ferimento de faca, pulsa e repuxa, molha minha boca, pressionado contra o chão da cozinha.
.
We’ve all seen that immaculate slit. Even children will tell you what it is. They will explain to you why it opens and closes. Ai!, my contractions, blood pumping, my flower that burns. Go away. I will not show you mine. My long chills. The pulse of my desire, hard, taut. My short contractions. Life throbbing, wanting to implode, or seep out. Go away. That small fire inside the knife wound, pulsating and jerking, wets my mouth, pressed against the kitchen floor.

once there was a girl who fell in love with a ghost …

18 Tuesday Jun 2013

Posted by babylon crashing in Erotic, Illustration and art, Poetry, Portuguese, Translation

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Tags

art, BBW, blue ghost blues, erotic, ghost lover, phantasmal orgasm, Poetry, Portuguese translation

the girl who fell in love with a ghost 1

there was once a girl who fell in love with a ghost ….
.
Minha amada tem nenhuma de carne, tem nenhuma de pele, tem nenhuma pêlo. Minha amada é lisa como um fantasma. Ele está no jardim. Ele está arrancando as pétalas fora flores. “Ela me ama … Ela não me ama …” Minha amada é azul.
.
My beloved has no body, has no skin, has no fur. My beloved is smooth like a ghost. He is in the garden. He is plucking the petals off flowers. “She loves me … She loves me not …” My beloved is blue.

girl who fell in love with a ghost 3

the girl who fell in love with a ghost 2

the girl who fell in love with a ghost 4

Image

stretch

17 Monday Jun 2013

Tags

art, ghost girl, Japanese mythology, miko, stretch, the girl with blue skin and white hair

stretch

Posted by babylon crashing | Filed under Illustration and art

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following wet footprints

17 Monday Jun 2013

Posted by babylon crashing in Erotic, Illustration and art, Poetry

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Tags

after her orgasm, art, blue-skinned ghost, haiku, miko, Poetry, shrine priestess

miko1

after her orgasm
following wet footprints
back to her grave

miko2

miko3

miko4

miko5

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