um tarot suja — looking for lilith

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At some point you just have to shrug your shoulders and let it roll on by. Does it matter that people get it wrong? Of course not, everyone is entitled to their beliefs and if it doesn’t match my own then that is fine too. Only a fascist would get upset over an iconic representation of something that, for all intents and purposes, has no iconic representation. A graven image, I mean. The kind of thing people still get stoned to death for creating in certain parts of the world. That’s the problem with a Mystery — a divine Mystery — there is no way we can wrap our heads around it. By its very definition a Mystery is unknowable — it wouldn’t be a Mystery if we understood it, now would it?

I say all this because I’ve been looking for the Empress of my deck: Lilith. As the blues singer Ida Cox sang, “Wild Women Don’t Have The Blues,” and Lilith was the wildest of them all. The problem is, though, that the representations out there (at least on the Internet) don’t hit home as what I’m looking for. Just google her name and you get 2,440,000 image results; giant tits and bat wings seem to a favorite for a lot of artists. A lot of them look like copies of the freaky She-Devils on the cover of the Lords of Acid’s Voodoo U.

There’s nothing wrong with blood red skin and giant tits and bat wings if you’ve got them, but it resonates with me as much as pictures of a blue eyed, blonde hair Jesus do — maybe that’s what people in Gary, Indiana cream their panties over but it doesn’t do a lot for me.

The things is that there are ancient images of Lilith as how she was thought to have looked way back when. The Babylonians couldn’t get enough of her. There is a famous statue of her with crow feet, surrounded by owls, the messengers of the night. This image, though, while appearing in some 1910 Tarot decks, seems to not have made it into modern times all that much.

July 16, 2011 [1]

And, sort of like how images of Midwest Hippie Jesus make me laugh at the idea that someone from Jerusalem could look so Gringo, if you think about it, there’s no reason that representations of Lilith should have the sharp Germanic features so many artists give her. Rarely do you get to see Lilith look like she’s actually from the Middle East.

July 16, 2011 [2]

If she doesn’t have bat wings, then often she’s portrayed as a satyr: one of the goat-legged fuck-bunnies from Greek mythology. There’s worse ways to spend one’s life than living in the Arcadian forest and fucking anything that moves, I suppose. Still, a satyr is a satyr and while I can imagine that Lilith might have taken her fair share of satyrs to bed (when you’re the Queen of the Night you do have a reputation to uphold), I can’t really see how her goat legs would have gotten left out in her description, being the Mother of a Mixed Multitude, and all.

And finally, there’s the kink. Because Lilith was kicked out of the Garden of Eden for refusing to be submissive to that limp-dick Adam (seriously, if the Missionary Position is the only thing that works for you then perhaps you might want to rethink this whole “Father of Humanity” role a bit) and as a result Lilith has been ascribed every base vice known — from S & M to drag queens to dental dams. Which is why, if you’re making an erotic Tarot deck, having her as the keeper of all wisdom makes sense. Now if only I could find an image of her I agree with. Hmm …

um tarot suja — the fool

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July 12, 2011 [1]

Over the years I’ve used two different decks when it comes to Tarot — Milo Manara’s and The Cosmic Tribe. What I present here are some rough drafts of different card in the Major Arcana I’ve been thinking about. Sometimes when I’m designing cards I can see the entire deck’s theme in my head and then it’s just a matter of trying to find the right images that’ll work with each card.

This isn’t one of those times. But that’s fine too, since it means I can make it up as I go along. We’ll see what happens. It’s always good, as T.S. Eliot reminds us, to play with a wicked pack of cards.

For the most part I’ll be using the concepts of Tarot laid down in the standard Rider-Waite deck, mainly because more people seem familiar with it, and I find its ideas straight-forward and easy to adapt to what I am working on. The Fool (card 0) in the Tarot usually depicts a youth setting off on the first step of his or her journey. In the beginning we are all fools, open to anything, ready to believe in the most heretical of ideas. We will need this openness if we are to find what we are looking for. As the ancient Chinese saying goes, “a 1000 mile journey begins with the first step.” And so shall we. Buddha’s dying words to his followers were, “walk on!” And so shall we as well.

The Fool carries all her worldly possessions on a stick, thrown over her shoulder, happily looking up into the air and oblivious of the cliff she is about to step off into. Call it a leap of faith, call it falling into the unknown, but if we are willing to take our first step in attempting anything then we will need to step away from all of that which brings us comfort and complacency, so that we might confront whatever it is we are looking for. At the Fool’s feet a little white dog is barking, trying to get her to look where she is going.

While in the Rider-Waite deck the Fool is literally about to plunge off the side of a cliff, there are other less literal ways of representing that. The world of Tarot is the world of dreams, and the dream world seems like a good place to start our journey. In the middle of an empty desert a stone staircase rises into the universe. If we want to take our first step into the unknown we must be willing to follow those stairs where they lead us. In this image the Fool has yet to start climbing the stairs – has yet to commit herself to her question – and is distracted by what is around her. It’s easy to get distracted, but the moment we focus ourselves and put our foot on the first stair is the moment our journey truly begins.

July 12, 2011 [2]

A second idea I came up with for the Fool is a little different. Instead of looking like an escapee from Cirque du Soleil, I decided upon a young woman who about to step naked from behind a curtain. She has yet to do this, but she will. After all, if we are going to explore the world of poetry and passion, desire and madness, then the first step for us is being comfortable enough with our own bodies so that we can actually know what we are looking for. I’m always fascinated at how many people want to burn with fire but are so horrified at what that requires they never admit it? Passion is our birthright. The same fire that burned in John Keats and Anne Sexton, Dylan Thomas and Sylvia Plath burns in everyone. Pretending it is any other way, to me, is hell. The other thing that is different in both cards is that I don’t have an annoying white mutt. The dog is symbolic. It is the Fool’s guide, that which will help her on her journey. There is no reason why it has to look the way it does except that Pamela Colman Smith, who designed the cards for the original deck, happened to like little white dogs, apparently. The girl’s spirit guide here is a blue ghost fox. It stands out sharply from everything else in the room, since it belongs to the realm of sleep and half-sleep, not the bright light of logic and daytime skepticism.

xenomorph

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Teu corpo um novo planeta,

um novo mundo. Um universo

em teus seios, o milkyway

em tua boca. Meus beijos criam

um foguete entre tuas coxas.

Teu bunda – centro do tua

blackhole — chupa-me dentro,

isto é como eu viajo. Algumas

pessoas pensam que os xenomorphs

são amigáveis. Mas eu estou

aqui para a conquista.

In English:

Your body is a new planet, a new world. A universe in your breasts, the Milky way in your mouth. My kisses create a rocket between your thighs. Your ass — the center of your blackhole — sucks me in, this is how I travel. Some people think that aliens are friendly. But I’m here to conquer.

boquete

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Se queres sentir a felicidade

de minha boca, você deve ignorar

o teu orgulho. Teu orgulho

é que estraga o boquete.

O boquete são incomunicáveis.

Presente de deus. Presente de Lilith

para Adão. Teu corpo entende

a minha boca. Eu deep throat tu.

Porque o corpo entenda boquetes,

mas não tua estúpido orgulho.

In English:

If you want to feel the happiness of my mouth you should ignore your pride. Your pride is spoiling this blowjob. Blowjobs are incommunicado. A gift from god. Lilith’s gift to Adam. Your body understands my mouth. I deep throat you. Because the body understands blowjobs, but not your foolish pride.

os fantasmas tristes, e todo sozinho

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Mortas vivem comigo.

Fantasmas das virgens

que cometeram suicídio.

Os fantasmas tristes,

e todo sozinho. Todo

amante que morreu de um coração

partido. Durante todo o dia, este

é o que fazemos. Todos os dias,

vemos filmes tristes. Não porque

estamos triste. Não porque nosso

coração está quebrado. Mas esse

vez, todos tivemos uma vontade

de chorar, antes de nos

tornarmos uma família.

Translation:

The dead live with me. Ghosts of virgins who committed suicide. Spirits sad and all alone. Everyone who died of a broken heart. All day long we watch sad movies. Not because we’re sad. Not because our hearts are broken. But once we all had the need to cry. Before we became a family.

vodka e anal sexo

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Eu amo canções tristes

porque eles oferecem cuddling

e chantagem. Tudo é suave,

quando você os ímpetos meus doma.

O teu suspiro me transforma

em um gato, uma criatura da luz das estrelas

e poeira. Você refresque minha a raiva.

Durante todo o dia vodka e anal sexo.

In English:

I love sad songs because they offer cuddling and blackmail. Everything is easy when you tame my impulses. Your breath makes me into a cat, a creature of starlight and dust. You cool my anger. Vodka all day and anal sex.

escândalo

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E o que eu faço,

se eu me sinto

um inferno

de uma paixão

por teu marido,

também? Eu sei

que você não pode

dizer não para mim.

Você é uma dona

de casa com as filhos

e com fome sem fim.

Pensar sobre o escândalo

de teu marido apaixonado

com um animal como mim?

Eu odeio a escolher.

E eu amo escândalo.

Translation:

And what do I do if I fall in love with your husband, too? I know you can not say no to me. You’re a housewife with children and endless hunger. Think about the scandal of your husband in love with an animal like me? I hate to choose. And I love scandal.

minhas delusions

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Está chovendo.

Depois da meia-noite

na janela, estou nu.

Você pode contar

as queimaduras de cigarro

no meu peito. Presentes

de estranhos. Mesmo

minhas delusions

são dolorosas.

In English:

It’s raining. After midnight in the window I’m naked. You can count the cigarette burns on my chest. Gifts from strangers. Even my delusions are painful.

minha minotauro

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Horas profundas,

lentas e beijos

sensuais ardentes.

Noites quentes e ela

está nua diante de mim.

Acima dos quadris, ela

foi Afrodita — de repente

— ao ver abaulamento

calcinhas, sua enorme

colhões e viril caralho.

Ela é minha Minotauro

e desejo urgente:

esporra no meu rosto.

Translation:

Hours deep, slow and sensual kisses burning. Warm nights and she is naked before me. Above the hips, she was Aphrodite — suddenly — see the bulging briefs, the huge balls, the manly cock. It is my urgent desire and Minotaur: cum on my face.

minha ganância

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Teu beijo doce é minha

ganância. Naquele exato

momento do adultério:

na tarde em que você soluçou

para mim, eu amostrar vossa

obscenas-loucura lábios,

o vossa esporro. De todos

os teus líquidos diários

que eu experimentei, quero

o fluido que faz você esquecer

tua cônjuge, tua filhos, tua vida,

enquanto você

e eu estamos em tua cama.

Translation:

Your sweet kiss is my greed. At that exact moment of adultery, in the afternoon when you wept for me, I tasted your crazy-obscene lips, your cum. Of all your daily fluid that I experienced, I want the one that made you forget your spouse, your children, your life while you and I were in your bed.