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memories of my ghost sista

~ the dead are never satisfied

memories of my ghost sista

Category Archives: Poetry

thunderhead

09 Wednesday Mar 2022

Posted by babylon crashing in Poetry, self-portrait, sonnet

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ars poetica, birthday, ghosts and gods and stuff, half-assed conduit, Ոչինչ, poem, Poetry, sonnet, thunderhead, vo'chinch

Half a mile high. Book open. Pen drooping

in one hands; the hand that writes secret words.

Just as the in-flight drinks are served something

enters. “Sounds like dementia. It’s absurd;

ghosts and gods and stuff.” I’ve done deep damage

with my drinking; taken blows to my head.

Who knows? Half a mile high and a mirage

enters me. Shadows? The dark thunderhead

out my window? “Sounds like that Twilight Zone

Gremlin.” On Thursday I’ll be fifty-two.

“Vo’chinch,” my pen writes. Nothing? Good enough.

Good? I’m a half-assed conduit. I’ve grown;

not wiser, just … vaguer. Just … the one who,

miles high, mumbles of ghosts and gods and stuff.

][][

Note:

Armenian, an ancient language I am forever butchering when I try to talk, has the most useful word in the world, “Vo’chinch,” (Ոչինչ) an expression that literally means, “Nothing,” but is used in the same way that the French use, “Comme ci Comme ca” — neither good nor bad, it just is.

irrumabo

05 Wednesday Jan 2022

Posted by babylon crashing in Poetry, sonnet

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Catullus, gnostic gibber, Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo, poem, Poetry, priggish schlock, sonnet, translation

Before the Great War poets saw Gnostic

gibber everywhere. “Hark! The voice of Dawn!”

they’d write and then Dawn would say some stomach

turned tripe about Divine will and Bygone

virtues. After great wars and great horror

the shit got real. “Make it new,” had no place

for, “Lord’s sweet orbs of night,” or whatever

passed as gritty for those sad fucks. “Embrace

vulgar and speak truth,” Catullus charged us.

Brother, even now they still don’t get it;

if those hard sibylline K’s in Cunt, Cock

and Cum offend how will they bear witness

to real horror? –– “Irrumabo?” Shit,

time to go Orphic on your priggish schlock.

][][

NOTES:

When the subject of wretched poetry comes up my first thought is of those slushy, inbred Victorians, who gave us some of the worst doggerel to be found in the English language. Full of pomposity, being grandiloquent without humor or irony, they seemed entirely unwilling or unable to write about anything without heaping bathos all over it: “Theirs not to make reply,/ Theirs not to reason why,/ Theirs but to do and die.” Yes, please put this schmaltz out of its misery. It’s no surprise that the artists who survived WWI quickly realized that their forebears were altogether useless when describing the horrors that they themselves had just witnessed. Burning it all down and salting the earth after was the only logical way to go. Thus, “Make it new,” became Modernism’s imperative and we’ve been following that maxim ever since … with mixed results. I lay claim to the Roman poet Catullus (84-54 B.C.) as poetic progenitor (that’s approximately 84 generations back). He’s a clean old man; though these days Catullus is chiefly remembered for a line of verse considered so obscene that a complete English translation of it wasn’t even published until the 20th century. “Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo,” which translates as: “I will sodomize and face-fuck you” (best opening line to one’s critics ever). That is the, “vulgar truth,” that I look for in poetry.

gauche

29 Wednesday Dec 2021

Posted by babylon crashing in Poetry, sonnet

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ars poetica, blatant bleeding, Bronski Beat, gauche, jinkies, Oscar Wilde, poem, Poetry, sonnet, twenty seven scars

We all bleed; I’m just ill-bred about it.

Of the twenty-seven holes so far bored

through my flesh all were amateurish, split

seconds of poor choices. There’s no reward

for a gauche childhood other than blatant

bleeding while your betters smirk. Oscar Wilde

never tripped on rusty farm equipment.

No one in Bronski Beat had such reviled

puncture wounds. Jinkies! I hear their peevish,

“Tsks,” each time I must take off my trousers.

Tsks and, “If you call that mutilating.”

Twenty-seven scars and not one foppish

gaffe; just crackups, buckshot, brass knucks, a spur.

–– Redundant wounds. –– Tedious hemorrhaging.

construe

14 Tuesday Dec 2021

Posted by babylon crashing in Poetry, sonnet

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ars poetica, cirrhosis, construe, consumption, poem, Poetry, skag, sonnet, spilled ink, tuberculosis

Somehow now I’ve cheapened delirium.

These days I float with a fever above

my bed, staring down at my husk in glum

humor. Dear foul body, I want to love

you, but damn! Even cirrhosis never

caused me this much grief and it was killing

me. Float and fret. Float and sweat in a blur

of noise that I can’t construe while passing

skyward. Once I thought consumption cool:

burbling blood just like Paganini.

Black-flecked spittle was so gothic. But now?

Niccolò, when I said, “Give me an old-school

death,” it wasn’t this; rather skag, filthy

deeds and all that deliria might allow.

][][

Notes:

Niccolò Paganini (1782-1840) was a violin virtuoso so astonishingly talented that it was rumored that he had sold his soul to the Devil for his crazy skills. Like Dunbar, Chopin, Kafka, Keats and Robert Louis Stevenson, Paganini also died from TB (tuberculosis). Skag is an old nickname for heroin. On a personal note, I mention cirrhosis (a disease of the liver from chronic alcoholism) because I am a life-long alcoholic who would be dead right now if it weren’t for AA (this February 18 will mark four whole years of sobriety for me). While my doctor insists it was not Covid and just borin’ ol’ pneumonia, last year I was bed-ridden for months due to a painful, horrible cough that wouldn’t go away. With the coming of winter I can feel, once again, something in my lungs.

corrupt

04 Saturday Dec 2021

Posted by babylon crashing in Poetry, sonnet

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blight's, conquering worm, Edgar Allan Poe, holy and corrupt, ode to gangrene, poem, Poetry, sonnet, spilled ink

“And the Fever is Conquered at last,” Poe

proclaimed. Fevered bruise spreading; a blossom

cracking with canker, with necrotic glow.

Where’s the Divine in rot? It’s the problem

with a poet who ignores the mundane ––

After the membrane burst, flushed brackish wine

spewed from your leg; and, with each squeeze to drain

the blotch, rank sludge glooped out. If the Divine

rests in our soul then it’s in our corrupt

flesh as well. Poe’s Conqueror Worm knew that.

Fetid phantasma. Blight’s phosphorescent

twin. Ode to Gangrene? Cut it out. Worship

the flesh warily. See? What will erupt

in me hunkers and waits with a vile scent.

][][

Notes:

Apparently Youtube is awash in videos featuring blighters suffering from subcutaneous hematoma in one form or another, something that I find I cannot turn away from once I hit “play.”  I know, I know, “fetid phantasma,” is such a $20 phrase in a $5 sentence but it’s so much fun to say. It’s like the word, “glooped;” sure, I can use other words to describe decay but my world would be slightly duller without some good gloop in it.

profundo

01 Wednesday Dec 2021

Posted by babylon crashing in Poetry, sonnet

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ars poetica, basso profundo, distraught, ghost shark, poem, Poetry, radio static, sonnet, tinnitus

That was the year the cicadas started

in my skull. Their buzz-saw droning; the fraught

song of dust and summer, I’m told. Bleated

noise. It came with the pneumonia. I thought

it was part of the fever. If my ghost

shark can haunt me during delirium

why not raucous bugs in the innermost

depths of my ear? Soon my fever’s bedlam

faded but the sing-song did not. Even

now, love, as I write this, the din’s low groan

keeps me distraught. I wake with radio

static, thinking the dark bellowed. Listen.

Only I can hear it, that deep bass drone;

what hell’s divas call, “Basso profundo.”

][][

Notes:

In opera the lowest vocal range that a tenor can go is called basso profundo. Starting around a year ago I began developing tinnitus, a ringing in the ears like radio static that is often accompanied by hearing loss. In the last two months or so it has gone from a dull buzz that I could ignore to a much louder droning which wakes me up at night. I find the sort of disconnected musing I need, such as when I’m writing, harder now.

ten

30 Tuesday Nov 2021

Posted by babylon crashing in Erotic, Poetry, sonnet

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babe not mine, erotic poetry, hairy woman, hex, infernal marks, moonshine, poem, Poetry, scar-marred, sonnet, ten, vex

Later you asked, “What are you?” Your sister’s

child? “What are you?” Did you know that the Hex,

what I called these scars, had left their horrors

cut in me? Before puberty and sex

I thought you were hairless, too; but, hunkered

in the store’s bathroom, I was unprepared

as you unbuttoned your cut-up, tortured

jeans. I didn’t have hair, “down there.” I stared

as you straddled the toilet. The Hex vexed.

Yes: what was I? Neither two-heart nor queen.

“Babe not mine, elves stole/ you in the moonshine.”

Stolen? I waited for my turn. Perplexed,

you glanced then gawked at the scars between

my hips; ten infernal marks meaning, “mine.”

conked

28 Sunday Nov 2021

Posted by babylon crashing in Erotic, Poetry, sonnet

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blood, conked, cunnilingus, erotic poetry, flux, phat ass spasms, poem, rage, rumpus, sonnet, tongue lashing

Fury. Less than an inch. A fingertip’s

worth of savagery. With winter over

your dress lifted breezily. With your hips

laid bare, with your thigh laid on my shoulder ––

a tongue lashing. Thawed flesh; like how ghosts crash

through conked swamp roots or gods, once sour, soon calm

under stress. Under your dress spiked mustache

cacti nestled my lips. Sophomore prom.

Without relief you made jaw clenching mewls,

then phat-ass spasms. Dissolving in blood

and flux; dissolving, all rage and rumpus.

I was a clueless child … but so were you.

“What was that?” you gasped as the world, viscid

and vast, slowly swam back into focus.

writhingly

26 Friday Nov 2021

Posted by babylon crashing in Disaster –- Pain –- Sorrow, Poetry, sonnet

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fishwife, lost grave, poem, Poetry, sea crone, sea fever, sonnet, the ancient tongue of the sea, underflow, writhingly

Tangled hair in foam. Desolate skin. Breasts

beaten in waves. Where will my ghost shark go

when my lung start to fill? The sea’s conquests

shall all pass overhead while terrors flow

around. Listen: even darkness can blur

in the deepening depths. Without gravestone

or bones you won’t call me your ancestor.

Child of stars and storms. Child of a sea crone

and her fishwife. Orphan of all the drowned.

What good are husky-wet lips when you won’t

kiss them? Underflow: make me writhingly

grotesque, like the Sea’s fey or Brine’s hellhound.

Once I pressed to enter you. You said, “don’t.”

We stopped. My grave lays here: in memory.

bogan

24 Wednesday Nov 2021

Posted by babylon crashing in Erotic, self-portrait, sonnet

≈ Comments Off on bogan

Tags

baba yaga, chrome shaft, erotic poetry, gilt grotto, gorgon's jargon, Lucille Bogan, pegging, poem, shave em dry, sonnet

Hard bop. Red hot Baba Yaga. Fun-sized

pain and sanguine cannibal. Her bloomin’

sick love crept through us. All who’re despised,

who are flame, who are fuses, who roll sin

on a twelve-sided die, are comin’ home.

Lucille Baba Bogan Yaga. We’re all

goin’ to get laid. Sloppy with Blues. Chrome

shaft. Gilt grotto. We strap it on; the, “mal,”

in our malcontent. “Peggin’,” they call it.

Shit. I love the monsters that the bourgeois

fear: dark skin, women, the Blues. When Bogan

sang the vamps jumped. Singin’ of cocks and clits.

Gorgon’s jargon, sister. Out like outlaws.

Cocked, suckers; as if to say, “bring it on.”

][][

Notes:

In Slavic folklore, Baba Yaga, the wild witch of the woods, helps those who seek her out, unless they piss her off and then she simply eats them. Pegging is a term Dan Savage (of Savage Love fame) made popular back in 2001: an act in which a woman has anal sex with a man by penetrating him with a strap-on dildo. Lucille Bogan was one of the Three Queens of the Blues (Ma Rainey and Bessie Smith being the other two). Her sexually explicit lyrics helped popularize the “Dirty Blues” genre. Perhaps her most famous song, Shave ’em Dry, starts off with the lyrics: “I got nipples on my titties big as my thumb/ and something between my legs that’ll make a dead man cum.” Indeed.

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