This glum bedlam. This sober and sexless

essence. This — I gave up to get better.

Others kiss. Others fuck. Others say, “Yes.”

Recall slick thighs, clenched teeth; what came after.

Recall, too, that I was once someone’s balm.

Sodden and gorged. Crafted in beauty, formed

in lust. Salve for a burning heart. Maelstrom

in those tender hollows. To be transformed

like this. To be sloppy in my moans. Curl

of lip. Nails stubbed. What came after heaving

upon sweat-soaked sheets making chit-like squirrel

grunts. What came much later with abstaining.

Why did you let your squirrel-cry come undone?

Even the morning breeze feels forsaken.