scream, spit or swallow
–舔阴horny goat weed
swallow, my sister, o sister swallow
–Itylus, Algernon Swinburne
Just as I swallow, just as I must close
my eyes and let it all trickle down my throat.
Call it doom. Gag and it spews out your nose
while up above you, with a sneer and gloat,
some blue, puffed face pats the top of your head,
says, “job well done.” And it was a good job,
getting it down, daring yourself, the dread.
Doing what you said, “never again.” Slob
that you are. Slob, coward: there’s a whole list
I keep in my head just in case. What doom
could get me this far except the sweat-stink
of raw despair? Because after this tryst
I will excuse myself to the bathroom
just to throw up everything in the sink.