caught

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Fucking perversely, whoever she was,
close to home. Each noon the splintered windscreen

on your camper van fogged up. True, the flaws
in this affair were that you had to clean

the shag carpet each time; stench of vodka
and sperm and rocking Volkswagens don’t fool

people, even with Three Dog Night’s, “Mama
told me not to cum,” cranked high. Middle school

flashbacks, even now, are of your panic
at the thought of getting caught. “I can’t stop,”

you’d gag, my balls pressed fat against your chin.
We all cry out; even an ex-hippy chick

getting licked clean, acid in each teardrop,
heartache that you kept calling a love-in.

rascality

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Look back. No thirteen sisters. No coven.
No high priest. Just you with your spring follies

at the farm house. Perhaps you did summon
him: one more demon, kid stuff, keen to please.

Perhaps you two found purchase propped against
the wall. Brick patterns on your backside, skirt

rucked up, hair all undone – until you sensed
strain, like your husband’s porn: watch mommy squirt.

You still love men who ooze delinquency.
Men and monsters. You called. Lust breeds mischief

when we’re alone; rutting near walls, mazy
hedgerows, fallow fields. It’s still not enough.

Called and summoned. You’re starved for rough magic,
for all that’s uncanny, fell and phallic.

fractures

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Mornings I wake; hidden pain in long healed
bones. Cracks in my jaw. Cracks in my skull. Pills

numb things for a bit, but things left unsealed
rarely close again. Pain’s old joke: its thrills

provoke raunchily … is true … at times. Pain
pushes me far beyond comfort. “Touch this,”

I could say. The metal that grazed my brain
left an odd groove in my scalp. One more kiss

that warns how bones can be altered, structures
reshaped. I could show you, but I won’t. Raw

nerves make me horny and cranky. I’m both
Pandora and her Box; teasing fractures

that will not heal. Broken skull. Broken jaw.
My own dear devil in the undergrowth.

prins hendrik

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They called you his woman friend. Jazz mauled
Amsterdam. His cock was never hard. Cocaine.

You loved his horn, his shtick, what critics called
white boy blues. No one went broke selling pain

to white boys. Boomers’ truth. I’ve been to Prins
Hendrik; stood where he fell. Nothing. But you,

woman friend, I know why you loved his sins,
how your pear brought him pleasure; your tattoo

above your bum and the spot where his thumb
sank in. –– For you it wasn’t a hustle.

“Pain is pain. I was his balm.” Indeed. Few
can play that pain away. The rest go numb

until something wakes us. That’s love. Each time
he played. Fuck the haters. Each time he blew.

NOTE:
“It ain’t cool to slag off the dead,” was a line I didn’t use but I say it in all sincerity to the late Chet Baker. As a kid I never liked Baker’s music or, for that matter, what I thought was West Coast jazz. It all sounded so safe, what 1950s suburban dads listened to when they couldn’t sleep at night. In comparison, the Detroit sound was full of rage, cement and grit. As a white boy I didn’t want to listen to other white boys sing, “My Funny Valentine,” I wanted to burn. Then someone played California Hard-style and I realized that, yes, once again, I am a rube and clodhopper when it comes to music. Still, in Peace Corps I had a 6-hour lay over in Amsterdam while waiting for the connecting flight, so after sampling hashish in the Bulldog Cafe I made my way over to where Chet Baker died back in 1988, the Prins Hendrik Hotel. I was hoping for some cosmic spark upon reaching there but I felt nothing … literally, I was so stoned I couldn’t even feel my teeth. I’m still amazed that I even found my way back to the airport.

alt-shift

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Shadow, love, don’t zone out just now. It takes
you for ages just to respond. “Knock once

for yes, twice for no.” Heh. This ain’t no ex
raising séance, though what is the essence

of this newfangled magic in this daft
plastic box through which I talk to shadows?

Computer crystals make for a queer Craft.
Here be veils no Art can pierce, I suppose.

Is it why the dead don’t ask for our aid?
our love? our connection? What new gospel

speaks for these new times? What laws still govern
this? My soul for Alt-shift is a daft trade.

It’s the only way to reach your spectral,
sorry ass. That’s a touch wretched to learn.

blunder

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Often I wake up sore and bent. Not riled,
but spent. As if I’ve brawled, bullied in dreams

I can’t recall; the rest of this defiled
life spent in memory. No wonder, “screams,”

and, “dreams,” rhyme so easily. No wonder
I can’t recall. I’ve been on either side

of that word: Bully. Dull One. The Blunder.
Special Ed. I thought … I hoped if I fried

my brain enough I would forget; yet hell
is on either side of that, too. What screams

more than, “sorry, dull child, I couldn’t save
you”?
I broke you, child; and since to rebel

is to forget that you’re broken, all my dreams
show me, each time, that I’ve never been brave.

brogue

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In bloom. In bed. What is it that brogue brings
to you? Listen, can you hear distant moans?

Gods talk. When the air thickens and then swings
around you, when you feel deep in your bones

a wild itch for something more, that’s language,
love, each curious word. If it were fruit

you’d suck them dry, lick at the wet cleavage
juicy sounds make, each temblor’s bloom. What root

buried itself here? What sublime ache? Bloom,
baby, bloom: disco inferno. Now rogue

gods talk through you; their lexicon unique,
chaotic, but still you know. You know. Womb

words. You speak them. In bed. In your rough brogue.
You’re the translation, love –– what the gods speak.

static

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Taxing. Distracting. Shimmer down shadows.
I spent hours yesterday … with them … talking …

knowing that they’re shade, not ghosts. Goodness knows
there’s a difference. Goodness knows everything.

This good rush of hope that just once hidden
things would want me. I listen to static

in my ears. I swear, behind that foreign
noise are words. Maybe it’s all a sick trick

just to amuse others. Who? Who knows. “Naw.
‘e’s jist de Doctor.”
I’ve heard that before,

but not here, not with light and not-light criss-
crossing on the walls … like I’d grind my jaw

over some daft ghost … daft metaphor …
daft bliss that there’s more to this than just this.

withering

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Here’s my butter’s phat: “That’s what I look bald?”
I asked as they changed the bandages: charred

pink. The wreckage of my forehead –– each scald
kiss-mark –– filleted skullcap’s split. What reward

is there in surviving? This: you shall name
the myth others will believe about you.

Withering flames traced my cranium’s frame
(ugh) left garlands of gristle. Each sinew

sutured. Each sequence to be read. Primal
as braille once my scalp’s stitches were removed.

“Can I touch it?” Love, I got scars that’ll make
each of your pheromones moan. I’m this dull

pink all over. Crunchy, you might say. Grooved
deep by heat. What the kids call: shake and bake.

deep throat

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“Ye soond loch a byrd,” some goon with a gloat
said of my junkyard dog lisp. On the phone

I can drop the tone into my deep throat;
hint of hard strokes, slow slides to steel and bone,

ending with stone-capped slivers, crisp and cracked.
But why? I love my lisp. It keeps saving

me from so much bad sex. Bullies react
to it right away. If my pronouncing,

“th,” gives you pause, then, “vo’chinch,” as Lilith
would say. No cocks to your splatter, buzzards

to your box. No, “rump-rimmed mortars/ well-hung
pestles,”
for you, child; just those glib in myth

and tongue twisters. Unlike your clit, my words
tremble all strange and new under my tongue.

][][

NOTES:
Vo’chinch is a most useful Armenian word (the ancient language of mountain gods and high desert witches); sort of like the French, “Comme ci, comme ça,” it can mean anything from, “Damn, what an asshole,” to, “everything is hunky-dory,” depending on circumstance.