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memories of my ghost sista

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“Shit Cassandra Saw That She Didn’t Tell the Trojans Because at that Point Fuck Them Anyway” by Gwen E. Kirby

06 Friday Jan 2017

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flash fiction, gwen e. kirby, reblog, smoking long quarterly

Lightbulbs.Penguins.Velcro.Claymation. The moon made out of cheese.Tap dancing.Yoga.Twizzlers. Mountain Dew. Jello. Colors she can eat with her eyes.Methamphetamine.Bud Lite.T-shirts. Thin and soft, they pass from person to person, men to women, each owner slipping into a team—Yankees, Warriors—and out again with no bloodshed, no thought to allegiance or tribe. And the words! Profusions of nonsense. The Weather Is Here, Wish You Were Fine. Chemists Do It on the Table Periodically. Cut Class Not Frogs. Words everywhere and for everyone, for nothing but a joke, for the pleasure of them, a world so careless with its words. And not just on t-shirts. Posters. Water bottles. Newspapers. Junk mail. Bumper stickers. Lists. Top ten Halloween costumes for your dog as modeled by this corgi. Top ten times a monkey’s facial expression perfectly summed up your thoughts on NAFTA. Top ten things your boyfriend wishes you would do in bed but is too afraid to say. Cassandra has not noticed a lack of men telling women what to do. Perhaps this will be a pleasure of the future, a male desire that goes unspoken. A desire that is only a desire, and not a command.Then there are the small words, the private words, hidden within romance novels, mysteries, thrillers, science fiction, fantasy. Heaving bosoms, astronauts, and ape men. Pulp paperbacks that live brief but fiery lives, the next torrent of words so swift behind they must sell or be destroyed, only enough space on the shelf for the new.Broadway.Chekov.Klonopin.Dentistry.Density.And lives, of course. Cassandra would rather see only the fictions, the objects, the colored plastic oddities of the future, but she must see lives as well. Here are two little girls. They sit in the dirt and dig at a boulder. When it is finally unearthed, the possibilities! A passage to the underworld, a buried treasure, a colony of fairies—anything but dirt. It is essential that they will never succeed, never dig up the boulder, and of course they don’t. Their plastic shovels move the dirt aside; new dirt, dusty and thin, blows across their eyes, fills the small spaces they’ve made. One of the girls becomes an engineer. One is raped by her college boyfriend. Some visions show nothing new at all. This second girl will run a bakery on an island where she loves to hike. She will have three children, all boys, and she will die when she is quite old and quite unwilling to go. Her boys will have lives too. Everyone does. Lives on fast-forward, silent, even the best life, even her own, swiftly boring.Cassandra is tired of running at wooden horses with nothing but the flame of the smallest match.She is tired of speaking to listening ears. The listening ears of the men who think her mad drive her to madness. She wishes they would let her keep her silence or scream her knowledge alone, wishes she could move to an island and own a bird. She will never do this because she knows she never does.It is said that Apollo gave Cassandra the gift of prophecy—this is true. It is said that, when she refused his advances, he spit in her mouth so that she would never again be believed. A virgin the same as a seduced woman the same as a violated woman the same as a willing woman, all women opening their mouths to watch snakes slither out and away.Cassandra is done, full the fuck up, soul weary.Still, as Troy is sacked, as she clings to the statue of Athena in the sacred temple, the marble of the legs cold no matter how tight she holds them, she cannot accept what she knows to be true. That soon, Ajax will arrive and rape her. He will smash the statue of the goddess she worships and curse his own life and worse, her goddess will not help her, will turn her shattered face away. Soon, Cassandra will be carried across the sea, made another man’s concubine, bear twin boys, and be killed by Clytemnestra. But before this comes to pass, there are visions Cassandra burns to share with the women of Troy.The women of Troy might listen. They know that Cassandra’s curse is their curse as well. That Apollo spit in her mouth, but it was only spit.Here is what she might show them.Tampons.Jeans.Washing machines.The cordless Hitatchi Magic Wand.Elastic hair ties.Mace.Epidurals.A woman alone in a room, the door locked and no one expected.And here is the best thing of all, the thing that makes Cassandra smile as the men storm her temple, exactly as she has always known they would. Someday, Trojan will not be synonymous with bravery or failure, betrayal or endurance, the most beautiful woman or the most foolish men. A Trojan will be carried in every hopeful wallet, pulled out with abashed confidence, slipped over the shaft, rolled to the base as awkwardly as a high school teacher with a banana. Perhaps the Trojan men would laugh if they knew, or be humiliated, or pause to think about the indifference of history and the hubris of the man who hopes to be remembered. But the women, once they saw that blue streamer unfurl, the women would rejoice, would wave it over their heads like a new flag, like a promise of better things to come.

— from, Smoking Long Quarterly, 

January 2, 2017

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05 Thursday Jan 2017

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Christina Rossetti, Death's Chill Between, ghost lover, quote unquote, Victorian ghosts

Listen, listen! Everywhere
a low voice is calling me,
and a step is on the stair,
and one comes you cannot see.
Listen, listen! Even now
a dim hand knocks at the door.
Hear me; he is come again,—
My own dearest is come back.
Bring him in from the cold rain …

Christina Rossetti, Death’s Chill Between

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04 Wednesday Jan 2017

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ancient greece, Aphrodite Kallipugos, Aphrodite of the beautiful buttocks, BBC Magazine, Bettany Hughes, booty, quote unquote

And if that wasn’t bad enough, beauty was frequently a competitive sport [in ancient Greece]. Beauty contests – kallisteia – were a regular fixture in the training grounds of the Olympics at Elis and on the islands of Tenedos and Lesbos … My favourite such story has to be the contest in honour of Aphrodite Kallipugos – Aphrodite of the beautiful buttocks. The story goes that when deliberating on where to found a temple to the goddess in Sicily it was decided an exemplar of human beauty should make the choice. Two farmer’s daughters with amply-portioned arses battled it out. The best endowed was given the honour of choosing the site for Aphrodite’s shrine. Fat-bottomed girls clearly had a hotline to the goddess of love.

Bettany Hughes, Would you be beautiful
in the ancient world?
BBC Magazine
(10 January, 2015)

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04 Wednesday Jan 2017

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Algernon Charles Swinburne, Dolores, Our Lady of Pain, quote unquote

What remains,
O mystic and sombre Dolores,
Our Lady of Pain? …
My lips full of lust and of laughter,
Curled snakes that are fed from my breast,
Bite hard, lest remembrance come after
And press with new lips where you pressed.
For my heart too springs up at the pressure,
Mine eyelids too moisten and burn;
Ah, feed me and fill me with pleasure,
Ere pain come in turn …
[Then] we shall know what the darkness discovers,
If the grave-pit be shallow or deep;
And our fathers of old, and our dead lovers,
We shall know if they sleep not or sleep.

Algernon Charles Swinburne, Dolores

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03 Tuesday Jan 2017

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De Profundis, Poetry, quote unquote, Walter de la Mare

You will not be cold there;
You will not wish to see your face in a mirror;
There will be no heaviness,
Since you will not be able to lift a finger.
There will be company, but they will not heed you;
Yours will be a journey only of two paces
Into view of the stars again; but you will not make it.

Walter de la Mare, De Profundis

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02 Monday Jan 2017

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Coleman Barks, Moses and the Shepherd, prose poetry, Rumi, translation

Moses heard a shepherd on the road, praying, “God, where are you? I want to help you, to fix your shoes and comb your hair. I want to wash your clothes and pick the lice off. I want to bring you milk to kiss your little hands and feet when it’s time for you to go to bed. I want to sweep your room and keep it neat. God, my sheep and goats are yours. All I can say, remembering you, is ayyyy and ahhhhhhhhh.”

Moses could stand it no longer:  “Who are you talking to?“

The shepherd replied: “The one who made us, and made the earth and made the sky.”

“Don’t talk about shoes and socks with God! And what’s this with your little hands  and feet? Such blasphemous familiarity sounds like you’re chatting with your aunts. Only something that grows needs milk. Only someone with feet needs shoes. Even if you meant God’s human representatives, as when God said, `I was sick, and you did not visit me,’ even then this tone would be foolish and irreverent. Body-and-birth language are right for us on this side of the river, but not for addressing the origin, not for Allah.”

The shepherd repented and tore his clothes and sighed and wandered out into the desert.

And then, suddenly, a revelation came to Moses. The Friend’s voice:

`You have separated me from one of my own. Did you come as a Prophet to unite, or to sever? I have given each being a separate and unique way of seeing and knowing that knowledge. What seems wrong to you is right for him. What is poison to one is honey to someone else.
Purity and impurity, sloth and diligence in worship, these mean nothing to me. I am apart from all that.

`Ways of worshiping are not to be ranked as better or worse than one another. It’s all praise, and it’s all right.

`It’s not me that’s glorified in acts of worship. It’s the worshipers. I don’t hear the words they say. I look inside at the humility. That broken-open lowliness is the reality, not the language.

`I want burning, burning. Be friends  with your burning.

`Moses, those who pay attention to ways of behaving and speaking are one sort. Lovers who burn  are another. Don’t scold the Lover. The “wrong” way he talks is better than a hundred “right” ways of others. Inside the Kaaba it doesn’t matter which direction you point
your prayer rug.

`When you eventually see through the veils to how things really are, you will keep saying again and again, “This is certainly not like we thought it was!”

Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi,

It’s all praise and it’s all right

(trans. Coleman Barks)

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02 Monday Jan 2017

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hot tea in a sapphire mug, la-di-da, quote unquote, romantic suspense, spell check sucks, stubby fingers are the best fingers

Never apologize, even if it burns your fingers to stubs, for your misspellings. Often it is the only thing that keeps the romantics a step ahead of the genteel la-di-da.

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02 Monday Jan 2017

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A Coast Nightmare, Christina Rossetti, If I wake he hunts me like a nightmare, quote unquote

I have a friend in ghostland, —
early found, ah me, how early lost! —
Blood-red seaweed drips along that coastland
By the strong sea wrenched and tossed.
In every creek there slopes a dead man’s inlet.
If I wake he hunts me like a nightmare

Christina Rossetti, “A Coast Nightmare”

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30 Friday Dec 2016

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close dear heart, joy and sorrow are contained in the same words, quote unquote, the night is young and you are not here

Joy is when you tell Love that you’ll hold them close. Sorrow is when you tell Love that you’ll hold them and they say, ‘Close.’

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28 Wednesday Dec 2016

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darling flesh mi amor, even with the songs from the far hills, for there was a fire in my head, I went to the hazel wood, quote unquote, spoken words can never be retracted

I love what you offered but, darling flesh, how can you help me when I can’t sleep without nightmares, I cannot stop the singing from the distant hills, I cannot drink without writing all my distraught thoughts down on the page for you? And who wants darling flesh after such words are spoken?

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