• hopilavayi: an erotic dictionary

memories of my ghost sista

~ the dead are never satisfied

memories of my ghost sista

Author Archives: babylon crashing

barmy

28 Sunday May 2023

Posted by babylon crashing in Disaster –- Pain –- Sorrow, Poetry, sonnet

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barmy, burnout, phat ass ghost, poem, Poetry, sonnet, swine herder

On the sad, bad days, when I am naked

and gray as heath, I wander dazed throughout

the old orchard, fruit rotting in the mud,

straw and twigs in my hair. On the burnout

days, days without dream, days where tall grass

strokes my glory as I pass, when I gasp

as I give, my cum dotting our morass,

I know I won’t come back as some phat-ass

ghost to amuse, a swine herder’s wet dream.

No. I’ll be your twitchy soul. Forgotten.

Naked in a world that mocks nudity

and calls masturbation a mean blaspheme.

Prophecy has left me sick with passion

without a purpose, unfulfilled, barmy.

thew

27 Saturday May 2023

Posted by babylon crashing in Disaster –- Pain –- Sorrow, Erotic, Poetry, sonnet

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erotic poetry, nice and easy, nice and rough, poem, Poetry, Proud Mary, ptsd, sonnet, thew, Tina Turner

Even on hands and knees No still means No,

so I pull out, bent over your shoulder,

kissing your scarred face. Half of your afro

never grew back from where your ex-lover,

a man you’d called pimp, had thrown the acid.

“Pumped a lot of tane down in New Orleans,”

Tina crooned on the record player. “Flood

me,” you’d say, meaning, “fuck me like we’re teens

again,” awash in cum. I’ve kissed each seam

in your flesh, the stitched space where your eye sat,

all your fused thew. Sometimes I can feel you

unclench around me, convulse, crash and scream.

Gimme safe, love, when, “nice and rough,” falls flat,

and Proud Mary’s, “nice and easy,” won’t do.

][][

Notes:

“Thew,” is an old-fashion term for muscles and tendons. As far as I can gather, “tane” is short for octane, or perhaps gasoline. In Ike and Tina Turner’s version of Proud Mary, Tina explains, “We never ever do nothing/ nice and easy./ We always do it nice and rough,” which is fabulous, unless one’s PTSD gets in the way. We’re all works in progress, I suppose.

drive-thru

26 Friday May 2023

Posted by babylon crashing in Erotic, Poetry, sonnet

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age difference, cunnilingus, erotic poetry, poem, Poetry, sonnet, The Fonz, under your scrubs

Kissing at the red light you’d pull your scrubs

to your knees and let me inhale. What’s one

more stain to a nurse? Hints of Doms and Subs

had hit a nerve. “My husband isn’t fun

like that,” you murmured. After the drive-thru

I’d go down on you, tonguing inner thighs,

belly folds, cleavage and cleft. “Make me spew.”

And you did. A scent of girl cum, French fries

and pine would cling to me all day. Sluice rhymes.

Anxious breath. Things that adults did, I thought,

were weird. Was this cool? Fonzie-level cool?

Who knew? It was how we spent our lunchtimes.

You with this anxious child. “It’s our secret,”

you’d say, dropping me back at middle school.

][][

Notes:

With his trademark, “Ayyy,” dressed in a leather jacket and riding a motorcycle, Arthur Fonzarelli, better know as Fonzi or The Fonz, was a character from the 1970-80s TV show, Happy Days … and I was at that age where the pinnacle of cool had to be either David Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust or Fonzi, even with that episode where he jumped the shark.

bodyke

24 Wednesday May 2023

Posted by babylon crashing in Erotic, Poetry, sonnet

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erotic poetry, exchange student, lager lout, MSU, poem, Poetry, Red Cedar river, sex in dirty water, skinny dipping, sonnet

“An’ oi double dag dare yer,” you giggled,

slipping out of your jeans. The Red Cedar

river was rank, sluggish and straggled

across campus. Still, where else could, “lager

louts,” go skinny dipping? Exchange students

were freaks. County Clare vibe tribe? Bodyke cock

shock? You started each sentence with, “me cunt’s

fancy.” Groovy. You loved punk. I loved schlock.

Between dark flowing kisses you reached down,

grabbed my ass and impaled yourself on me.

Back when I’d do anything for a dare;

even if it meant that I’d cum and drown.

Perhaps others stopped to watch our drunk glee.

Aglow, you sighed, “loike oi’m back ‘um in Clare.”

][][

Notes:

The Red Cedar river runs through Michigan State University, where I went for my undergraduate studies. Lager lout is slang for any offensively drunk, boorish behavior. Bodyke is a town in County Clare, Ireland.

kafir

23 Tuesday May 2023

Posted by babylon crashing in Erotic, Poetry, sonnet

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dumb beasts, erotic poetry, kafir, piercing you to your womb, poem, Poetry, slow burn, sonnet, your hips' fleece

“Hair is a nakedness,” your mother taught ––

which is why you kept yours veiled. And, “never

bring home white boys or kafirs.” Those were fraught

times. If schisms can start from mere fractures

after school ran riot in my bedroom ––

as inch by heathen inch pushed past your hips’ fleece;

a slow burn in piercing you to your womb ––

Your hair bare. Our flesh awash in sweat, grease

and cum. “When I graduate,” you said, “She’ll

send me home.” She’d pledged you to a cousin.

“Three months!” you cried. We rampaged in secret.

We were dissent’s loving revolt. “Yesh, spill

your seed … on my face!” Three months of heathen

bliss, like what the dumb beasts do when they rut.

][][

Notes:

Kafir is a derogatory term in Islamic tradition and refers to a non-Muslim.

proclivity

22 Monday May 2023

Posted by babylon crashing in Erotic, Poetry, sonnet

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cunnilingus, erotic poetry, gay club, gossamery, Paris Gayety, Peace Corps, poem, Poetry, proclivity, sonnet

Paris. Twelve hour lay-over. Last gay club

before Peace Corps. “You’re gossamery,” she said.

“I like that in boys … Call me your Arab

Auntie.” O weird drag name, I thought, my head

between her thighs. And, because I was stoned

on cheap spliffs and she was Anaïs Nin cool

and I’d dreamed of being left unchaperoned

with a wolfish adult (“Primary School

Climax.” “School Bus Orgy.” “I was Seven

before I was Ate.”), her clit felt scrumptious

under my tongue. How queer, a real auntie

in this rank Men’s Room. One last Parisian

surprise before a world where lush lewdness

was less, “proclivity,” and more theory.

thralldom

18 Thursday May 2023

Posted by babylon crashing in Erotic, Poetry, sonnet

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cunnilingus, erotic poetry, faith needs pain, Our Lady of Pain, pain induced orgasms, poem, Poetry, sonnet

Both of your thick, sick thighs and the scratchy

flick rope binding my wrists will leave bruises.

Good. I’m greedy for scars. You bend a knee

and wet heat, mixed with your musky juices,

sprinkles my lips. Mewl, I said, make me mewl.

I am famished for that; that sort of pain ––

your faith claims waits for me in hell. A cruel

candle will not last the night, you explain,

snuffing the hot wax out on my shoulder ––

I thought thralldom would be a bore. But what’s

the point of nerves if they don’t sing? Scars bunch

up and down my thighs where you have tortured

my flesh; a whipping boy for the flay’s cuts;

which is to say, I’ve grown hard to your touch.

adástsooʼ

14 Sunday May 2023

Posted by babylon crashing in Erotic, Poetry, sonnet

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adástsooʼ, Bilagáana, cunnilingus, Diné bizaad, erotic poetry, Judy Grahn, poem, Poetry, sonnet, translation

Adááʼ (lip). Atsooʼ (tongue). I might not know

the words for for lust or thrust or that wet greased

growl that you make with jaws stretched as you show

me just how far I can go –– but at least

you taught me to say adástsooʼ. We mapped

out our bodies with skull-fucking, hair

pulling and the heat of the day still trapped

in the skin of your pickup. This is prayer

as well. Not Bilagáana or Dineh

prayer, but still holy. Something to drive nine

hundred miles for. Somewhere out in the owl’s

light a goat bleats. Tomorrow we will pray

again without the need for language, mine

or yours, just our untranslatable howls.

][][

Notes:

In Diné bizaad (the Navajo language), adástsooʼ is the word for the clit. Bilagáana is an older term for white people (such as myself). Owl’s light is another way of talking about the dusk. 900 hundred miles is a reference to Judy Grahn’s “Love rode 1500 miles on a grey hound bus & climbed in my window one night to surprise both of us.” I’ve always adored that poem.

tarot of syssk [booklet]

07 Sunday May 2023

Posted by babylon crashing in Illustration and art, Tarot

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Syssk, Tarot, Tarot of Syssk

They say a creative project is never done until the creator walks away from it. This deck is still a work in progress. A lot of these designs, “seemed like a good idea at the time,” but outside of having a Tarot about an alien marooned in ancient Japan I have no problem changing anything if it isn’t working.

Each card is written in English, as well as Japanese and a made-up language called Galactic Basic (Syssk’s mother tongue). Since a lot of choices that I made fall under the “Rule of Cool” heading (see: it seemed like a good idea at the time) in hindsight I see how foreign languages might be confusing, as if they’re hiding vital information needed to understand each card. They’re not. They could be removed entirely and the card would still be the same.

Originally I intended to use as many gender neutral terms as possible, settling on honorific titles like Sovereign, Ruler, Mx, Sonkeigo and Sensei (both Japanese terms for a teacher), but I ran out of words, so I fell back on Lord, Lady, Master and Mistress as well. If there are other honorifics that would work well in this context I am open to suggestions.

The decks I consulted in designing the cards were The Rider-Waite deck, The Barbara Walker Tarot, The Hermetic Tarot and Yonas Lunata’s Qabalistic Tarot.

Since symbolism only works if a person can recognize the symbols being used here are my notes for cards that differ enough from The Rider-Waite deck as to be confusing:

[0] THE FOOL.

Childlike. Adventurous. Spontaneous. [R] Naive. Overly Optimistic. Not looking before the leap.

Notes: In Shintoism (Japan’s native religion) the Torii Gate behind Syssk represents the border between the secular world and the sacred and acts as a passageway into a shrine’s sacred space. It is the cliff in The Rider-Waite deck. The beckoning good luck cat is called Maneki-Neko, and ceramic versions can be found in shops and restaurants throughout Japan as a way of welcoming customers in.

[I] THE WITCH: Onibaba.

Self-confidence. Delight in Occult studies. Talented performer. [R] Manipulation. Lies. Power for the sake of power.

Notes: Onibaba literally means, “demon woman,” and plays many roles associated with European witches and witchcraft. The symbol behind her is a bagua, used in Taoist magic to represent the fundamental principles of reality. Because this card corresponds to the Magician, I included the four elemental symbols of water, air, fire and earth, as well as a cup, a coin, a wand and a pentagram to round things out. For more information on Onibaba, I suggest Kaneto Shindo’s 1964 masterpiece of the same name.

[II] HIGH PRIESTESS.

Experience. Wisdom. Intuition. Teacher. [R] Using knowledge without wisdom. Two left feet. Unbalanced.

Notes: In The Rider-Waite deck the High Priestess is static; she sits in a chair, holding a book of wisdom and not really doing anything else. Learning wisdom, however, comes in many forms and here it is all about dancing as an ancient form of praying for rain. Dressed as dragons, people would dance and beseech the gods for another fruitful year.

[III] EMPRESS.

Motherly. Growth. Nurturing. Abundance. [R] Shallow. Ignoring the bigger picture. TERF.

Notes: While the Empress here is the same as found in The Rider-Waite deck, the background depicts what royal childbirth was like in ancient Japan, which I found fascinating.

[IV] EMPEROR.

Architect. Laws. Authority figure. [R] Loves chaos. Patriarch. Control freak.

[V] HIEROPHANT.

Blending of traditions. Knows some dance steps. Gives good advice. [R] Counseling needed. Can’t think for oneself. Drowning in dogma.

Notes: One of the curious strengths of Shintoism is its willingness to blend in with other, outside religions. Like the dancing found in the High Priestess, here a Shinto priest dances to Syssk’s drumming, while Buddha and a Taoist monk look on.

[VI] LOVERS.

Romance. Sharing. Equal partnership. [R] Separation. Arguments. Incompatible partnership.

[VII] PALANQUIN.

Drive. Ambition. Understands what makes things go. [R] Procrastination. Mind-forg’d manacles. Can’t move forward.

[VIII] STRENGTH.

Confident. In control. Inner resources. [R] Drained. Depression. Fear.

[IX] HERMIT.

Meditation. Alone by choice. Finding answers in oneself. [R] Unwanted loneliness. Withdrawn. Need for introspection.

[X] WHEEL OF FORTUNE.

Prosperity. Windfalls. Paid your dues. [R] Stuck in a rut. Refusing change. Afraid of taking chances.

[XI] JUSTICE.

Fair assessment of oneself. Desire for equality. Karma. [R] Out of balance. Unfair treatment. Ill fate.

Notes: Taking a more psychological approach to this card, Syssk looks in the mirror and sees her shadow side looking back. Until we can be impartial in judging ourselves we are unfit to judge others.

[XII] GALLOW’S TRUTH.

Sacrifice for wisdom. Suspension of disbelief. Calm before the Storm. [R] Indecision. Literal hang ups. Impatience for outcome.

[XIII] DEATH.

Cosmic transformation. New outlook. Letting go. [R] Fear of change. Living in the past. Need to let go.

[XIV] TEMPERANCE.

Blending of Heaven and Earth. Compromise. Tolerance. [R] Need for moderation. Lack of indulgence. Addiction.

[XV] DEVIL: The Four Noble Truths.

Shadow self, unhealthy attachment, addiction. [R] Releasing one’s own limiting beliefs, exploring dark thoughts, separation from the world around you.

Notes: In The Rider-Waite tarot, The Devil is all about unhealthy attachments, restrictions and fear of one’s own sexuality. In other words, all the negative aspects of your personality that you need to work on. Here I focused on an idea from Buddhism that there are four aspects of being human that no one can escape from: that [1] we all suffer, [2] our suffering has a cause, but also [3] there is a solution to end our suffering and it’s up to you to decide if you want to [4] do what it takes reach that end. The Four Noble Truths. The demon on the right side of the card comes from an ancient legend about an Oni (a mountain demon) who fell in love with Buddhism and decided to walk the path of enlightenment, even though everyone else would still only see a monster. This is, ironically, the same situation Syssk finds herself in but instead of seeing a kindred soul all she sees is an Other (an Other othering another).

[XVI] TOWER.

Chaos. Sudden Change. Destruction. [R] Time to grow and move on. Rebuilding with a clean slate.

[XVII] STAR.

Hope. Dreams. Goals. [R] Losing hope. Disillusioned. Depressed.

[XVIII] MOON.

Imagination. Visions. Infatuation. [R] Self-deception. Insecurity. Hazy understanding.

[XIX] SUN: Dancing for Amaterasu Omikami.

Dancing for liberation. Glee. Restoring cosmic order. [R] Dark days. Unfulfillment. Turning away from the light.

Notes: Another example of dancing for the divine. In the Shinto creation story, the goddess of the Sun, Amaterasu Omikami, (for complicated reasons) hid herself away in a cave and let the world grow cold and barren. The goddess of the dawn, Ame-no-Uzume, realizing that something had to be done, invited all the humans to the mouth of the cave and performed such wild dancing that the Sun goddess reemerged to see what all the laughter and dancing was about. Thus, burlesque dancing saved the world, once again.

[XX] JUDGMENT: Seppuku.

Self-annihilation only way to save face. Making logical decisions. Practicality. [R] Bad Karma. Poor Judgment. Dishonor.

Notes: Even if a person knows nothing about Japanese history they’ve probably at least heard of the warrior-class called the samurai and how they often committed hara kira (seppuku) ritualized cutting open of their stomachs to atone for some sort of sin. In The Rider-Waite deck, uses the Christian idea of divine judgment, with Archangel Gabriel blowing a horn and zombies rising up out of the ground, hungry for brains. Here, though, the day of judgment is always at hand since your lord might, for any reason at all, order you to commit suicide in one of the more painful ways imaginable. No salvation, no good deeds or bad deeds weighing down your soul, no sitting at the right hand of the Patriarchy, just the atrocious need to save face and the horrific lengths that some people will go to carry out their lord’s wishes.

[XXI] RETURN TO THE VOID.

Endings and beginnings. Cycles. Success. [R] Delay in fulfillment. Lost. Unable to accept change.

Notes: In The Rider-Waite deck, the World is all about completion. Here Syssk’s exile on Earth is over. Her rainbow UFO is fixed, she leaves terra firma for the celestial heavens, clutching her beloved katana sword, the only souvenir of her adventures that she takes with her.

[XXII] HAPPY RABBIT.

Wild Card.

Notes: This card can be left out, if one wants. It is modeled after the Happy Squirrel, a joke that appeared in an episode of The Simpsons, when Lisa goes to get a reading done. (“Is that bad?” “Perhaps, the cards are vague and mysterious.”) It has since shown up in actual decks, though for the life of me I cannot figure out what to do with it besides give a nod to Stan Sakai’s epic tale of Usagi Yojimbo, a masterless samurai rabbit, who wanders the roads of Edo-period Japan and was a big influence in my formative years. I reused two of figures from the 10 of Wand’s Mistress of Artful Trickery (a kitsune fox-spirit) and drummer.

[COINS]

[0] ACE OF COINS: Sovereign of the Earth’s Roots.

Magnetism. Ideas for making money. Working with hands. [R] Lack of creativity. Money woes. Singing the Blues.

[2] OF COINS: Ruler of the Syndicate.

Multitasking. Business partnership. Financial harmony. [R] Trouble juggling responsibilities. Distracted. Chaos.

Notes: Originally this was titled, “Ruler of Multitasking,” since the 2 of Pentacles in The Rider-Waite deck is all about balancing multiple priorities, except “multitasking” feels like such a modern term, it just felt off. I discovered, however, that one of the older definitions of the word, “Syndicate,” concerns itself with harmonious group work … though its modern usage is almost entirely mob-related. Perhaps there is a better term somewhere.

[3] OF COINS: Lord of the Joint Venture.

Communal work. Craftsmanship. Apprenticeship. [R] Unskilled. Unprepared for upcoming tasks. Problematic individualism.

[4] OF COINS: Mx of Earthly Powers.

Working the Earth. Honest labor. Financial stability. [R] Poor stewardship. Salting the Earth. Failure to understand growth.

[5] OF COINS: Master Destitution: the Ronin’s Path.

Abandoned. Living paycheck to paycheck. No security. [R] Recovering from disaster. Temporarily unemployed. Returning to work.

Notes: If a samurai was a warrior who served a lord or lady, then a samurai who had (through many different ways) lost their lord or lady was called a ronin. Sakai’s Usagi Yojimbo is such a person, wandering the land on a musha shugyo (warrior’s spiritual pilgrimage), occasionally selling his services as a bodyguard. Sakai, in turn, was greatly influenced by samurai movies of his childhood, such as Akira Kurosawa’s Yojimbo (1961), from which Sergio Leone heavily “borrowed” the idea for his Spaghetti Western, A Fistful of Dollars (1963). The term ronin means, “to be cast adrift upon the waves,” without family, friends or financial support.

[6] OF COINS: Sensei of Resources.

Asking for what you need. Gifts. Inheritance. [R] Not getting help from others. Having to quickly pay back debts. Bad credit.

[7] OF COINS: Mother of Bitter Profit.

Hard work leaves a bad taste in one’s mouth. [R] Climbing to the top. Indifference in coworkers’ suffering.

[8] OF COINS: Crone of Sagacity.

Wise in the way of Money Magic. Taking on an apprentice. Education is liberation. [R] Losing interest in school or work. World-weary.

[9] OF COINS: Sonkeigo of Abundance.

Reaping what you sow. Money is stable and growing. An sea of opportunity. [R] Unexpected expenses. Exhausting one’s resources.

[10] OF COINS: Mistress of Uncanny Wealth.

Finding riches in odd places. Money is good or will be so soon. Secure and stable finances. [R] Major financial loss. May have to burn down the business and flee on foot. Crazy setbacks.

[11] ONNA-MUSHA OF COINS: Champion of a Rich Harvest.

Free market rules! Beginning a new career. Abundance of merchandise. [R] Village market starting to hate you. Delays in beginning the reaping. No one wants what you’re selling.

Notes: Corresponding to the Page of Pentacles, here Syssk and a friend have come to sell the rich harvest of the 4 of Coins at market. There is some debate about whether female samurai existed (why it is important for some people to say that historical warriors, like Hangaku Gozen, ‎Nakano Takeko, ‎Niijima Yae and ‎Ohori Tsuruhime weren’t samurai, but rather simply high ranking women from samurai families, trained in the Way of the Blade, who fought in battles, I don’t know)‎ however, the term used to describe such people is Onna-Musha. The nice thing about telling a story of a xenomorph marooned on Earth is that no one will accuse me of being historically accurate; if you can suspend your disbelief long enough to accept Syssk you can also embrace Onna-Musha as samurais as well, I suppose.

[12] SAMURAI OF COINS: Knight of the Verdant Green.

Satisfaction from an important job. Moving up in the world. Trees love you. [R] Unexpected change in job. Boss out to get you. Coworkers can’t wait to see you fired.

[13] SEISHITSU OF COINS: Lady of the Forced Profits of the Earth.

Materialistic. Gold digger. Trouble handling practical money matters. [R] Unselfishness. Generosity. Has the Golden Touch.

Notes: The Queen in The Rider-Waite deck and tying in with the 5 of Coins’ concept of destitution, a wealthy elite is served the best food that the restaurant can offer while in the background, poor Syssk, without a single coin to her name, curls into a fetal ball and wishes (not for the last time) that she was back home.

[14] DAIMYO OF COINS: Lord of the Joys of Capitalism.

Good business sense. Making Robber Barons sexy again. Obsessively industrial. [R] Monopolizing power. Delights in inequality. Blind to the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers.

Notes: Daimyo is the term used for Kings in ancient Japan; in this case, the King of Merchants (for what it’s worth.)

[CUPS]

[0] ACE OF CUPS: Sovereign of the Root of Riotous Water.

New relationships. Sensuality. Birth. [R] New relationships delayed. Next step delayed. Troubled pregnancy.

[2] OF CUPS: Ruler of the Fertile Imagination.

Romantic passion. Equal and balanced relationship. Sharing mutual feelings. [R] Unbalanced desires. Unrequited love. Not attuned to one’s harmony.

[3] OF CUPS: Lord of Dubious Company.

Wild celebrations. Orgies. Going all out. [R] Fear of overindulgence. Bad family gatherings. Addiction.

[4] OF CUPS: Mx of Heinous Phantasy.

Striving for more. Dreaming large. Feeding a healthy ego. [R] Unsatisfied. Not realizing the value of one’s current state. Boredom.

Notes: In The Rider-Waite deck, the 4 of Cups deals more with issues of apathy and being so narrowly focused as to ignore the world around you. Here, Syssk really loves her blue cup, to the extent that she does not see the helpful Oni (mountain demon) offer up its own, nor the horrific shadow on the wall behind her. Daydreaming is wonderful, except when the world is out to get you and you need to focus.

[5] OF CUPS: Master of the Song of Regret.

Fear of avoidance. Facing unpleasant realities. Lost in nostalgia. [R] The need for struggle. Evolution. Growing pains.

Notes: Apparently Syssk can play musical instruments. Even though lover’s suicides did happen I see this card more as a cautionary tale about what not to do when you’re filled with regret.

[6] OF CUPS: Sensei of Childhood Memories.

Making peace with one’s childhood. Past returning with new meanings. Owning one’s passions. [R] Horror of family. Outgrowing a relationship or person. Becoming your own toxic parent.

Notes: The Barbara Walker Tarot talks about the 6 of Cups being about childhood traumas and memories. Of course Syssk would also have some sort of parent somewhere and in this case it is Xenomorph Queen from the Alien franchise. It’s a side of her past that she doesn’t like to talk about, probably because the only thing xenomorphs seem to do in these movies is drool and screech … so much alien drool. Some families are so embarrassing that the only thing you can do is change your name and flee to an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea. (Thank you, Douglas Adams)

[7] OF CUPS: Mother of Uncertain Opportunities.

Discovering your inner road map. Idealism. Loving all your children ardently. [R] Too many dreams without plans. Lacking passion. Dreams turn to whimsy.

[8] OF CUPS: Crone of Abandoned Dreams.

Leaving the past behind. Owning one’s loneliness. Follow through. [R] Lack of closure. Imaginary slights. Settling for the mundane.

[9] OF CUPS: Sonkeigo of the Blade.

Achieved goals and dreams. Skilled master. Uniqueness of craft. [R] Smugness. Unrealistic goals. Not knowing one’s limits.

Notes: One of my goals with this deck was to make it easy enough to understand so that a reader wouldn’t need to know about samurai, their Bushido code of ethics and/or Japanese history (so, naturally I slapped Japanese text on each card because being inconsistent is something that I apparently strive for). The Way of the Blade is, briefly, the idea that a warrior can and will cultivate an, “implacable fighting spirit to overcome their enemies.” How one wants to define an, “implacable fighting spirit,” is left up to the reader to decide; however, for me it means honing your skills until you are a master at whatever it is that you’re doing. In that way it hearkens back to The Rider-Waite idea of contentment, satisfaction and gratitude.

[10] OF CUPS: Mistress of Sublime Harmony.

Dreams coming true. Love and familiar surrounding. Comfort. [R] Happiness delayed. Troubled commitments.

[11] ONNA-MUSHA OF CUPS: Champion of Rebellious Floods.

Crossing life’s floods with help. Growth from self-reflection. [R] Lack of patience for ones own needs. Need for reflection. Immaturity.

[12] SAMURAI OF CUPS: Knight of the Purifying Cascades.

Willingness to heal. Emotional growth. Spiritual meditation. [R] Ignoring pain. Pushing oneself too hard. No sense of humor.

[13] SEISHITSU OF CUPS: Lady of the Sovereignty of Waters.

Powerful. Life-giving. Cyclical like the tides. [R] Oversensitive. Chaotic emotions. Destructive love.

[14] DAIMYO OF CUPS: Lord of the Turning Waterwheel.

Karmic completion. Just parent. Gentle law maker. [R] Weak nature. Unreliable. Natural born cheater.

[SWORDS]

[0] ACE OF SWORDS: Sovereign of the Root of the Air.

Beauty. New Ideas. Empire of the senses. [R] Lacking curiosity. Overbearing. Confusion.

[2] OF SWORDS: Ruler of Peace through Power.

No compromises. Battle of wills. Standstill. [R] Reconciliation. Compromise. Accommodating difficulties.

Notes: During the late Edo period in Japanese history almost every large family had a family crest that was worn on the right and left sides of their kimonos. Samurai crests usually featured flowers of some sort, falling leaves, cranes in flight or sacred trees. At some point I decided that Syssk needed a crest as well, so I settled on a stylized version of the face-hugger parasite from the Alien movies (the first stage of xenomorph development after it leaves the egg). The purpose of this card was summed up nicely when Frank Herbert wrote, “Absolute power attracts the corruptible.” Under the right set of circumstances we are all corruptible, even visitors from the celestial kingdom.

[3] OF SWORDS: Lord of the Moon’s Sorrow.

Balancing one’s feelings. Healthy friendships. Riding the turbulence. [R] Love triangle. Jealousy. Heartache.

[4] OF SWORDS: Mx of the Respite before the Storm.

Recovery. Rest. Recuperate. [R] Sensing upcoming doom. Cutting recovery short. Dread.

Notes: A trope that runs through some horror literature is the idea that monsters, while they can assume the shape of a mortal, are often undone when their shadows reveal their true, monstrous form. Of course this only works if a person is observant enough to pay attention to such things and not, as Syssk and her friend are doing, get caught up in fantastical story telling, oblivious to the danger sitting right in front of them. Often we think that the storm we must face is far off and we have time to recover, when, in fact, it has already consumed us.

[5] OF SWORDS: Master of Defeat.

Exile. Deceit. Hidden or old enemies surfacing. [R] Ugly truth revealed. Detachment emotions. Coldness.

[6] OF SWORDS: Sensei of Senseless Struggles.

Realizing the path forward isn’t the best. Campaigning. Following your own path. [R] Blinded by bad directions. Out of the frying pan into the fire.

[7] OF SWORDS: Mother of Betrayal.

Getting played. Being used. Leaving yourself too open emotionally. [R] Trust issues. Skepticism. Suspicion. Uncertainty.

[8] OF SWORDS: Crone of Ambitious Passing.

Owning who you are. Speaking one’s mind. Being fabulous. [R] Walking on eggshells. Fear of independence. Not being true to oneself.

Notes: I am a horribly cynical person and this is, perhaps, the most cynical card in the deck. Syssk works hard to try and blend in with the unwashed masses surrounding her and it is a thankless task. She’s mastered make-up and how to sit politely, poetry and tea ceremonies, the katana sword and the samurai code of ethics, Bushido. None of this changes the fact that when people see her all they can see is her monstrous appearance and not the enlightened soul. For some of us being an outcast is much more preferable than having to compromise or hide who we really are, but I suspect, for Syssk, that is not an option open to her and everything about this planet is hellish in one form or another. In a world that has yet to invent the steam engine, let alone FTL drive, the endless prattle that the Earth is the center of the universe and that humanity is some sort of beloved pet for a Creator god blew her mind the first time someone said it and every time since. An ancient Zen koan asks, “What is the ocean to a frog living in a well?” Or, to put it slightly differently, in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Ford Prefect (also an alien marooned on Earth), “would often gate-crash university parties, get badly drunk and start making fun of any astrophysicists he could find till he got thrown out … fifteen years was a long time to get stranded anywhere, particularly somewhere as mind-boggingly dull as the Earth.”

[9] OF SWORDS: Sonkeigo of Malice.

Workplace stress. Worried sick. Enabling a bully. [R] Light at the end of a tunnel. Recovery. Burden lifted.

[10] OF SWORDS: Mistress of Painful Endings.

Betrayal. Stabbed in the back. Crash and burn. [R] Learning from mistakes or betrayal. Getting back on feet. Communicating well with others.

[11] ONNA-MUSHA OF SWORDS: Champion of Rejuvenating Zephyrs.

Attention. Grace. Source of springtime. [R] Premature autumn. Crudeness. Disregard.

[12] SAMURAI OF SWORDS: Knight of Typhoons.

Courage. Quickly and unexpected change. Riding out the storm. [R] Pointless violence. Change as disaster.

[13] SEISHITSU OF SWORDS: Lady of the Sea’s Sovereignty.

Grace. Rectitude. Hidden powers. [R] Bitter. Delight in drowning fools. Indifferent.

[14] DAIMYO OF SWORDS: Lord of the Raging Winds.

Owning one’s own power. Bending reeds and breaking oaks. Sharp mind. [R] Nasty and mean spirited. Abusive. Ball of agitation.

[WANDS]

[0] ACE OF WANDS: Sovereign of the Root of the Flames.

Passion. Starting point. Answering the call. [R] Lacking creative thinking. Uninspired. Tunnel vision.

[2] OF WANDS: Ruler of Foreign Influences.

Embracing the alien. Long-distance relationship. Synchronicity. [R] Traditionalism. Incompatibility. Old and moldy.

[3] OF WANDS: Lord of the Far Expanse.

Counseling. Returning home. Third party assistance. [R] Third party interfering. Impulsiveness. Lacking the initiative.

[4] OF WANDS: Mx of Martialed Armies.

Stability. Gathering one’s forces. Firm foundation [R] Debilitated commitment. Troubles of cohabitation. Adynamic planning.

Notes: This is suppose to be an army on the march but I am unsure if that’s apparent.

[5] OF WANDS: Master of Strife.

Serving a fair and just ruler. [R] Serving a vicious and wicked ruler.

Notes: The term “Bushido” has been referenced several times so far. I have been calling it a samurai code of ethics, concerning all aspects of moral attitudes, behavior and lifestyle. The best example of its essence comes from Stan Sakai’s The Dragon Bellow Conspiracy, where the following conversation takes place between our rabbit ronin Usagi and a samurai who serves the antagonist of the story:

Usagi: You’d die for a lord who vilifies you? He doesn’t deserve your loyalty!

Torame: I’m a devotee of Bushido, the samurai’s code. Do you remember the warrior riddle I told you?

Usagi: “Which more exemplifies Bushido? The samurai who serves a good and fair lord, or the one who faithfully serves a wicked lord?”

Torame: The Samurai who is loyal to his unprincipled master because he who remains faithful even in adversity has the greatest warrior spirit. After all, “samurai” means “to serve” and devotion to your master is paramount.

[6] OF WANDS: Sensei of Nauseous Sacrifice.

Victory at a price. Losing by winning battles. Stress vomiting. [R] Unable to understand why you lost. Disillusioned. Rewards long delayed.

Note: In The Rider-Waite deck, the 6 of Wands deals with public recognition over one’s success. Here, however, the card has more to do having to preform some sort of task that you find personally abhorrent in order to succeed. That, too, usually has very public ramifications (think: selling out for money, or sacrificing a friendship to get ahead) but you’ve decided that failure is not an option, so the ends justify the means, as they say.

[7] OF WANDS: Mother of Valour.

Attacked from all sides. Win battles and playing well with others. [R] Attacked from all sides. Defeat. Feeling drained and stressed.

[8] OF WANDS: Crone of Swiftness.

Expanding horizons through travel. Talking to people or seeing new places. Reading new ideas. [R] Frustration and delays. Can’t seem to communicate. How do you make this hawk go?

[9] OF WANDS: Sonkeigo o£ Tenacity.

Bad ass with a katana. Ready and prepared for what is ahead. Good at defeating others. [R] Paranoid from many past battles. All vain pomp. Sound and fury signifying nothing.

[10] OF WANDS: Mistress of Artful Trickery.

Duplicity as a positive thing. Getting others to carry your burden. Looks great with nine tails. [R]

Overburdened. Too many responsibilities. Unable to see what is right in front of you.

Notes: In Japanese folklore, Kitsune are trickster fox spirits that have the ability to shape shift into human form. The card speaks to the 4 of Sword’s warning that a sinister shadow might be concealed in the most charming of outer appearances. In this case the Kitsune is using a life-size puppet to manipulate others, while Syssk, jamming on her biwa in the background, remains oblivious to any danger.

[11] ONNA-MUSHA OF WANDS: Champion of the Luminous Flames.

Companion. Assistant. Helper. [R] Refusing advice. Lone wolf. Getting foolishly burned.

[12] SAMURAI OF WANDS: Knight of Thunderbolts and Lightning.

Person with an inner fire. Using the storm to your advantage. Good at dodging the wrath of the gods. [R] Anticlimax. Thunderbolts and lightning very very frightening. Need for follow through.

[13] SEISHITSU OF WANDS: Lady of the Uncanny Glow.

Eroticism as creative power. Living life to its fullest. MILF. [R] Burns out quickly. Restlessness. Unsatisfied.

Notes: The erotic nature of our lives is profoundly spiritual. Since Syssk is the avatar for the reader the question of where Syssk falls in the sexuality spectrum has come up and while she is certainly intersexual (bodies that fall outside the strict male/ female binary) trying to define an alien species in human terms will only take us so far. She identifies as a “she/ her,” and while she is curious about the concepts of sex and romance she has yet to find anyone willing to teach or share. Perhaps she is Panromantic (someone who can experience attraction to anyone regardless of gender identity, sex or anatomy) or perhaps she is Demisexual (someone who does not experience attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection first), but what is important is that it’s something only Syssk herself can decide upon and, as of this writing, she is still weighing all her possibilities.

[14] DAIMYO OF WANDS: Lord of the Song of the Turbulent Fire.

Owning one’s self. Charming. Legendary. [R] Forked tongue. Smooth talker who is massively insincere. Sucka MC.

__________________________________________________

Originally the deck was going to feature astronauts and their Alien familiars. But that path would lead only to issues of copyright infringement, which is why Syssk ended up looking the way that she does and not like this:

[Magician]

[The Hanged One]

gambol

05 Friday May 2023

Posted by babylon crashing in Erotic, Poetry, sonnet

≈ Comments Off on gambol

Tags

erotic poetry, fellatio has always been a violent act, gambol, poem, Poetry, sex in fog, sonnet, wet like fog

The day is dead and lain in fog – not, “laid

in fog.” That’s when the city’s odd twilight

rolls in, turning streetlights wispy, decayed,

grotesque. Among the shadows our delight

comes when we gambol and glow. All that wet

air, pools of cool oil, smeared by ghostly palms

between your breasts. Morass of dew and sweat.

“Straddle me,” you say, kneeling with maelstroms

in your cunt, tempests in my cock. I curl

down the valley of your cleavage. “Seismic

upheaval?” Indeed. Slickness, all foggy

and cum-splattered around your neck; a pearl

necklace. Drastic love: the sort of drastic

pleasures others just dream about, dimly.

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