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An Open Letter To Queen Hippolyte,
Ruler Of Themiscyra

“If it means interfering in an
ensconced, outdated system to help just one woman, man or child …
I’m willing to accept the consequences.”
– Wonder Woman #170

Forget about Sappho’s wine dark seas
and the Golden Lasso of Truth. I too once dressed up in long blue
underwear, had my plastic wrist bracelets, a fire truck-red breast
plate, and dime-store tiara.

But these are the days of deformed
anatomies and blatant pandering to horny teenage mouth-breathers.

Hippolyte, your daughter’s
star-spangled trunks keep getting smaller and smaller. The Wonder Thong? Why is she fighting crime in something that is only slightly less revealing than
a G-string? And her stomach? Great Hera, where did her internal
organs go?

In 1941 Wonder Woman was 5’8" and a B-cup.
In 2015 your daughter is now 6+ in bare feet and at least a DD. Is there
an unwritten law that says she has to be the bustiest person in any
room that she walks into? Is puberty an 80-year process for an
amazon? In another decade will she be twelve feet tall? And why haven’t artists ever explained where she gets her Brazilian wax jobs? Let’s not even start with the Screaming Chicken helmet and the pre-Crisis tiara …

Please.

I liked her better as Mujer Maravilla.

As an old school fan I hope that the upcoming movie won’t pander too much to the mouth-breathers. If only we could call upon your daughter to interfere with this ensconced, outdated
system but Marvel and Hollywood seem only to disappoint these days. 

yours in solidarity,

Z